Thursday 31 January 2013

Killing foreigners more important than looking after poor, confirms Cameron

Helping the poor and disabled isn’t as high a priority as killing foreign people, David Cameron has confirmed today.

The Prime minister reaffirmed his commitment to keep spending on military equipment above the rate of inflation, despite drastic spending cuts in many domestic areas.

He told reporters, “When things are pretty bad at home, nothing raises national morale like a few million quids worth of missiles being fined at people who live in a sunny country.”

“By keeping our spending on military equipment we can ensure our ability to blow up brown people in lots of different locations at the same time.”

“It’s a tough choice between that and heating the home of your disabled grand-mother, but I don’t get much of a buzz from doing that.”

Military spending

Some benefit recipients have welcomed the announcement, saying that reports of British military successes abroad is pretty much as satisfying as a warm meal anyway.

Unemployed Simon Williams told us, “Sure, I’d like a few quid more each week to help make ends meet, who wouldn’t?”

“But have you seen the footage of those attack helicopters in Afghanistan? They’re amazing. I watch them and suddenly I forget I’m destitute, unable to feed my kids and on the verge of losing my home.”

“Give them some newer guns for Prince Harry to play with, it’s fine, I’ll just eat dirt.”

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