Monday 21 January 2013 by Waylandsmithy

Australia apologises for pretending to have libraries

A sign alleged to have been photographed in an Australian library has been revealed as a rather obvious hoax.

The sign, which claimed Lance Armstrong’s books would be reclassified as ‘fiction’, was actually pinned up in one of Sydney’s 38,560 bars.

“Nah mate, it was all a big joke”, explained Australia’s Culture Minister, Bruce Onesie. “We don’t have anything that poncey down here.”

“We’re not really big readers, we’re more your ‘shouters’ and ‘brayers’. There’s no way we’d waste a whole building on books.”

Lance Armstrong now Aussie fiction

No country has paid a keener interest in the Lance Armstrong story than Australia, where being disappointed in sportsmen is very much a ‘way of life’.

“Lance went on and on about how brilliant he was for years, but you don’t really need to win anything to do that in Australia”, said Onesie.

”If you’re a cocky prick, we’ll back you 100%.”

Australia is considering marking a ‘Lance Armstrong Day’, where the whole nation can join together and distract themselves from the woeful state of their own sports teams.

“In many ways, Lance’s ability to completely deny his massive flaws can be an inspiration to us all”, claimed Onesie. “Hopefully one day, we can colour in a book about it.”

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