Dyson launches Marilyn Monroe bidet

Sir James Dyson has released a bidet that will whip up a storm in even the smallest bathroom, and send shivers through competitors and customers alike.

The Marilyn Monroe MingeBlade combines over 40 bar of water pressure with the fan motor from an old Red Arrows jet, guaranteeing a ‘monsoon of freshness’ that even the fustiest of housewife would struggle to claw her way from in a desperate bid for survival.

“Finding new markets for our powerful wind and industrial hoses is always a challenge”, revealed Sir James Dyson.

“But we realised we’d been thinking ‘outside the box’, when we should have been focusing more of our attention in it.”

Many have tried to recreate the iconic image of Marilyn Monroe having her frock blown up by an air vent, but few have focused so much engineering into lifting the average woman four-foot from the ground.

“A skimpy ballgown is no match for our patented cyclone technology”, explained the windy wizard.

“The MingeBlade can blow off stout hessian trousers, or imbed a pair of stilettos in the ceiling.”

Dyson Mingeblade

With temperature settings ranging from ‘Some Like it Hot’ to ‘LA Morgue’ and a maximum comfort wash with the force of Niagara, no woman need suffer from Seven Year Itch again.

Sir James is justly proud of his highly-directional blasts, and hopes high-pressure sales will overcome the £1,000 price tag.

It’s not just feminine hygiene that stands to benefit though, and the inventor revealed one more trick up its leisure pant.

“Cleaning needn’t be a chore and the MingeBlade puts the fun back in front bottoms”, he insisted.

“If you stand just right and carefully alter the flaps, you can get it to whistle ‘Happy Birthday’.”

Advertisement

NewsThumpNotebooks

Somewhere to write down everything that’s wrong with the world. You may need several.

See the full collection →