A man is insisting that he’s enjoying having Premier League football back, despite getting so angry watching his team that he punched a hole through his living room wall.
Peace talks between the US and Russia over the war in Ukraine have backfired after Vladimir Putin decided to illegally occupy Alaska.
Ministers are considering a radical shake-up of motoring laws in Great Britain, which would include forcing over 70s to take compulsory eye tests by driving to Barnard Castle.
Everton Football Club are expecting to announce that Jack Grealish has signed on loan for the season, just as soon as he remembers how to spell his own name correctly on the contract.
Thousands have been left bald today after strong gusts from Storm Floris blew away toupees all over the country. The storm has left 43,000 homes without power and forced the closure of most of Scotland’s major bridges, however police say it’s the hairless who have been the most affected. “I chased it for about half
Spanish passport officers are currently falling asleep at their desks after spending the last four days checking Tommy Robinson’s plethora of names.
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has agreed to end the starvation in Gaza following rumours that Bob Geldof and Midge Ure are planning to write a new song to raise funds.
A new study has revealed that 99% of the nation’s VPN downloads occurred whilst trousers were being shimmied down to the user’s ankles.
The England men’s football team have been left completely baffled today, after witnessing the women’s team lifting up an unknown shiny object for the second time.
Donald Trump and Prince Andrew have mutually agreed to pretend not to know each other during the US President’s upcoming state visit to the UK. Trump has formally accepted an invitation from King Charles III for a second state visit to the UK, with the US president promising to act really surprised when he’s introduced
Notorious serial killer Ted Bundy has revealed that his autism diagnosis is actually the real reason he murdered all those women back in the 1970s.
An Oasis fan was denied entry to the band’s gig in Cardiff this Saturday after security noticed he wasn’t wearing anything from Adidas or Stone Island.
Elon Musk’s new political party has unveiled its first uniform, consisting of a fetching black suit and accompanying red armband.
Rachel Reeves has admitted her tears in the Commons yesterday were a result of her thinking about the emotional ending of Toy Story 3.
The founder of eBay has officially tied the knot in Venice today after buying all of Jeff Bezos’ old wedding decorations for a fraction of the price.
James Bond fans are ecstatic today after it was revealed a giant sandworm would be playing 007 in Denis Villeneuve’s upcoming spy film.
Celebrity chef and troubleshooter Gordon Ramsay has been called in to try and ease the escalating tensions between the US, Israel and Iran in his brand new series ‘Ramsay’s Diplomatic Nightmares’.
Iran has announced that their nuclear facility in Fordo is now completely impenetrable after national security decided to hide it inside a giant Nokia 3310.
MPs are patting themselves on the back today after coming to the incredibly difficult conclusion that women are able to think for themselves and do what they like with their own bodies.
US President Donald Trump was spotted eating his packed lunch alone at the G7 summit after the other leaders refused to let him sit at their table.
Actor and adventurer Brian Blessed is over the moon today after successfully climbing to the top of a huge pile of Father’s Day cards sent to Elon Musk.
David Walliams has hit back at his critics today, insisting that his Nazi salutes during a recording of ‘Would I Lie to You?’ were in fact just Roman salutes.
Actor Keanu Reeves has been praised after miraculously stopping a flurry of rubber bullets from hitting protesters in LA, just by raising his hand.
Donald Trump and Elon Musk’s split has turned nasty after it was revealed that neither of them wants custody of JD Vance.
Labour has confirmed that pensioners will need to be defrosted in the fridge overnight before being able to receive their winter fuel payments.
Following the election in South Korea, residents of North Korea will also head to the polls this week to choose between Supreme Leader candidates Kim Jong Un, Kim Jong Un or Kim Jong Un.
UK residents have been told to expect their brand new ration books this week after the government announced they were essentially preparing for wartime.
Conservative MP Robert Jenrick has released a video of himself confronting fare-dodgers on the London Underground, having seemingly forgotten the time he helped a Tory donor avoid £40m in tax.
Andrew Tate is the envy of everyone today after showing off the new $200,000 Hublot he’ll be hiding inside his rectum to trade during his upcoming prison sentence.
Newly-released Tommy Robinson has agreed to join the reboot of Home Alone after being cast as a Wet Bandit alongside Joe Pesci.
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