Donald Trump and Prince Andrew agree to pretend not to know each other during state visit

Donald Trump and Prince Andrew have mutually agreed to pretend not to know each other during the US President’s upcoming state visit to the UK.

Trump has formally accepted an invitation from King Charles III for a second state visit to the UK, with the US president promising to act really surprised when he’s introduced to the Duke of York.

“Nope, I’ve never met the bloke in my life,” said Prince Andrew, desperately clenching his sweat glands with all his might.

“Having said that, Darren seems like a perfectly nice guy to me. Oh, his name is Donald? See, if we knew each other then surely I’d know his name, wouldn’t I?

“Obviously, the press will be peddling their usual nonsense about us having a controversial mutual friend. Let’s call him ‘Jerry’. But I can assure you that we were never on Jerry’s island together. If Jerry even had an island, that is. Okay, maybe he had an island. But I was never on it…that much.

“I just hope people won’t read into every minute detail when Darren visits in September. People dissect every little thing these days. Strange hand gestures, unusual eye contact, a couple of guys burning hard drives in the back garden of Windsor Castle at 3am.

“Get a life, jeez.”