Peace talks backfire as Putin illegally occupies Alaska

Peace talks between the US and Russia over the war in Ukraine have backfired after Vladimir Putin decided to illegally occupy Alaska. 

US President Donald Trump and Russian president Vladimir Putin were meeting in Anchorage today to discuss ending the war in Ukraine, however things took an unexpected turn when Putin arrived with 10,000 troops.

“I’m starting to think he isn’t really interested in peace,” said President Trump, sheltering inside the Elmendorf-Richardson military base.

“I was ready to have a nice, pleasant conversation with the guy. You know, ask him ‘How’s the wife? How’s the kids? How’s the mistress?’ We had a fruit platter all set out and everything. But then I saw Vlad arriving in a tank and knew immediately that something fishy was going on. Turns out he just wanted to annex Alaska as well.

“We haven’t seen each other in six years and this is how he chooses to reconnect? I was expecting at least a handshake. Well, actually it’s a bit cold in Anchorage. Maybe we could’ve rubbed our noses together or something instead. But now? Forget it!

“I’m going to have some very strong words with him. Trust me. I’m not bluffing this time. I’m only going to extend the ceasefire deadline four or five more times, and then I’m done!”

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