Donald Trump appoints Lord Voldemort as Chief of Staff

President Trump has begun reshaping his team following his massive midterm losses, and amongst the most eye-catching is the appointment of Lord Voldemort as Chief of Staff.

“We knew that President Trump would need someone who could practise magic,” said US political expert Simon Williams.

“He’s promised to carry on with his deeply unpopular agenda of tariffs and foreign wars, and I can’t see any way of getting that done without the use of some pretty powerful magic.

“But appointing the evilest wizard for thousands and thousands of years? That is a bold move.

“He’ll certainly have the liberal media watching his every step, and the first sign of him murdering his way to more power will no doubt see them come down him like a tonne of bricks.”

Lord Voldemort, who has been described as a ‘raging psychopath, devoid of normal human responses to other people’s suffering’ will be in charge of the day-to-day operation of President Trump’s White House, including controlling access to the President, management of staff, and organising Secret Santa for the Christmas party.

It is understood that Lord Voldemort had been seeking a return to public life after his humiliating defeat at the hands of Harry Potter, and came close to replacing Terry Crewes on Season 21 of America’s Got Talen, but turned it down for a promised role in Celebrity Masterchef that fell through.

Rumours that Lord Voldemort was only offered the role after Sauron, Dark Lord of Mordor, turned it down to work with Nigel Farage ahead of the next UK election, are so far unconfirmed.

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