Pensioners to be defrosted overnight, Labour confirms

Labour has confirmed that pensioners will need to be defrosted in the fridge overnight before being able to receive their winter fuel payments.

It comes after chancellor Rachel Reeves announced that changes to the winter fuel payment would allow more people to receive it this year, though did admit pensioners will have to be defrosted in the meantime.

“Just think of it like taking the turkey out of the freezer at Christmas,” Reeves told reporters.

“You take it out of the freezer on Christmas Eve and leave it in the fridge overnight to defrost. But this time instead of a turkey, it’s your Nan, and instead of a freezer, it’s their living room. Simple, right?

“Sure, it might take a bit of coordination getting her into the fridge. You may even need to round up a few people to pry her out of the armchair, especially if the ice encasing her fingers is sticking to the fabric. Don’t worry, though. Eventually she’ll begin to slowly defrost, and then hey presto, Nan’s ready to be transported back into her warm, toasty living room.

“I wouldn’t call it a U-turn on winter fuel payments. It’s more of a…what’s the word…Yeah, okay. It’s a U-turn. Look, at the end of the day it’s not important that people developed hypothermia last winter. The important thing is that they don’t develop hypothermia this winter.

“That must count for something.”

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