In a triumphant return to a situation that was already triumphantly achieved over a decade ago, President Donald Trump has proudly announced a “historic” agreement ensuring that Iran will not develop nuclear weapons, in a move experts confirm places the world exactly where Obama got it back in 2015.
Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un has secured a decisive and mathematically ambitious victory in North Korea’s latest parliamentary elections, winning an impressive 156% of the national vote.
The Prime Minister has moved to reassure the British public that the UK is absolutely, definitively, one hundred percent not at war with Iran, despite American bombers leaving for Tehran from a British airbase every twenty minutes.
Residents of Clacton-on-Sea have unveiled ambitious plans to construct a full-scale replica of Mar-a-Lago in a desperate bid to lure their MP, Nigel Farage, back to the constituency for anything other than a fleeting visit for a couple of selfies. The proposed resort, to be built between the pier and a suspiciously optimistic “luxury apartments
A man has been left utterly paralysed after being crushed under the immense weight of the single perfectly manageable task he has ahead of him today.
President Donald Trump has heroically launched what aides are calling “major combat operations” in Iran, bravely stepping in to defend the United States from the imminent threat of people asking when he will testify under oath about the Epstein files.
Nigel Farage has been gently reminded to “you lost, get over it” after dramatically losing the Gorton and Denton by-election and immediately discovering several extremely suspicious ballot papers that appear to have been cast for someone other than his candidate Matt Goodwin.
Voters in Denton and Gorton have been handed what constitutional scholars are calling a “rare and beautiful civic moment” with the opportunity to politely, democratically, and with a stubby pencil, inform a certain group of nationally recognisable arseholes to shove it up their hoops.
A man has today revealed to close friends that he is worried he has become ‘dangerously woke’ after using a gender-neutral bathroom without even realising.
A man who has claimed that the ‘creeping Islamification’ of the UK will lead to the implementation of Sharia Law on British streets is currently campaigning for aspects of Sharia Law to be implemented on British streets.
The Prime Minister has announced a U-turn in his willingness to perform U-turns, before insisting there will be no more U-turns after his latest U-turn.
Right-wing culture warriors have today warned that society is under imminent threat from a demographic responsible for less than 1% of mass shootings, while urging calm, nuance and “not all men” energy when discussing the demographic responsible for more than 99% of them.
The British team have today submitted a formal complaint to the organisers of the China Winter Olympic event over the continued exclusion of traditional British winter sport, the hill slide on a carrier bag.
A man who chose to bury cash in his garden is once again outperforming pretty much every ‘crypto-guru’ who will no doubt find their way into the social media comments around this article.
After stepping on the scales this morning, Basingstoke resident Simon Williams has confirmed he is now just 12 lbs away from achieving his New Year’s resolution to lose 10 lbs.
A man who once lived in a 30-room mansion has bravely spoken out about his ordeal after being asked to move into a different royal property that is, by some cruel twist of fate, marginally less grand.
A London man has shocked fellow customers by choosing his arrival at the front of the coffee shop queue as the perfect time to review the options before him on the menu.
A Giant Snowflake has confirmed plans to sue a comedian after heroically standing up for free speech by attempting to crush it with a team of lawyers.
Tesla has reported a significant fall in revenue for 2025, despite the electric vehicle market growing by roughly 25%, prompting analysts to confirm that EV consumers are showing increasing reluctance to give money to twats.
A curious hush has fallen across a certain corner of British patriotism this week. The sort that usually shouts. Loudly. Often. And usually at minimum-wage retail staff who sound a bit ‘foreign’.
In a bold new step for poultry-based diplomacy, Donald Trump has today announced that a fox will be joining his new Henhouse Board of Peace, a move he described as “tremendous for unity, terrific for feathers, and frankly very fair to everyone involved, especially the fox.”
Physicists have confirmed the existence of a parallel universe in which Donald Trump is definitively, provably, a Russian asset, but have yet to discern a single other observable difference to our own universe.
Native American leaders have expressed sudden and intense interest in Donald Trump’s legal theory that a country does not automatically own land simply because “some boats turned up a few hundred years ago”, describing it as “fascinating, bold, and extremely interesting”.
In a bold new step for innovation, disruption, and asking “has anyone actually thought this through?”, Tesla has unveiled a software update that automatically generates non-consensual explicit images of pedestrians as your car drives past them.
The notoriously publicity-shy paedophile community has come together to ensure the public knows they are in no way associated with Elon Musk’s far-right-friendly platform, X.
Elon Musk has bravely taken a stand for free speech by insisting that being asked to stop facilitating the creation and spread of non-consensual sexual images of children is, in fact, “censorship.” Speaking from the ideological high ground he discovered sometime between buying a social media platform and setting it on fire, Musk explained that
Greggs has announced plans to roll out a new “micro-sausage roll” aimed specifically at customers on weight-loss injections who would still like to remember what joy felt like, without committing to the full emotional and calorific consequences of the standard model.
Chancellor Rachel Reeves has announced new measures top up the government’s coffers at the expense of those ‘who can afford it’.
Long-standing critic of “endless foreign wars,” Donald Trump, has reportedly launched a spirited barrage of goodwill explosives at Caracas, formally opening what aides describe as his “very chill, extremely non-interventionist” campaign for the 2026 Nobel Peace Prize.
As adults return to work following the festive period, children across the nation have today asked if a year of good behaviour was really worth a couple of days playing with toys they’re already bored with.
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