‘If only someone had negotiated the end of Iran’s nuclear programme a decade ago’ explains smug Obama

In a triumphant return to a situation that was already triumphantly achieved over a decade ago, President Donald Trump has proudly announced a “historic” agreement ensuring that Iran will not develop nuclear weapons, in a move experts confirm places the world exactly where Obama got it back in 2015.

The breakthrough echoes the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action (JCPOA), negotiated under Barack Obama, which successfully curtailed Iran’s nuclear ambitions before being decisively abandoned by Trump in 2018 for not being quite as Trump-y as he would have liked.

Standing before reporters, Trump hailed the new deal as “frankly incredible,” adding, “Nobody thought we could get Iran to agree to not having nuclear weapons. Nobody. Except, I guess, Obama, but that was a very bad version of Iran not having nuclear weapons.”

White House officials confirmed that the new agreement contains several bold innovations, including “the same basic outcome as Obama’s deal” and “a strong commitment on both sides to pretending this outcome hadn’t already been negotiated a decade ago, before being scrapped by Trump.”

Sources close to the administration stressed that while the overall effect mirrors the Obama-era deal almost exactly, it differs in key areas such as font choice, signature placement, and the inclusion of the phrase “very, very tremendous” in the margins.

International observers cautiously welcomed the announcement, noting that while the deal appears to replicate the constraints Iran had already accepted under JCPOA, it has the added advantage of arriving several years later, after a period of unnecessary escalation, global uncertainty, and the significant loss of life on all sides.

Meanwhile, Trump dismissed comparisons to the Obama agreement, insisting, “This is completely different. Before, Iran wasn’t getting nuclear weapons in a way that wasn’t as good. Now they’re not getting them in a much better, stronger way.

“People are saying it’s the same, but it’s not the same, because this time I did it, not Obama.”

At press time, officials confirmed the administration was exploring bold new opportunities to reintroduce several other previously existing Obama-era policies.

Advertisement

TopicalT-shirts

Wear your opinions and maybe even annoy a politician or two!

See the full collection →