A man who watched Tesla’s new Roadster perform airborne stunts has handed over five thousand pounds, confident the remaining obstacles to him receiving his own flying car are merely manufacturing, aviation law and everyone else’s survival.
America remains open to refugees, the Trump administration has confirmed, as long as those refugees look like they could be a member of a Trump owned country club, rather than, you know, the other sort.
Nigel Farage has described asylum seeker crime statistics as “eye-wateringly bad”, despite leading a party which, statistically speaking, is more likely to be a danger to women than any other group of men in the country.
Following the start of Russell Brand’s rape trial, a familiar chorus has once again emerged, with various terminally online communities insisting that another wealthy, influential man facing serious allegations is actually the victim.
Donald Trump has reacted furiously after a federal judge temporarily blocked his administration’s taxpayer-funded television adverts promoting him ahead of November’s midterm elections, denying Americans the opportunity to finance enthusiasm for Donald Trump, whether they wanted to or not.
A right-wing ‘patriot’ has insisted there is absolutely no connection between Russian data centres going offline and the sudden disappearance of almost everyone who agrees with him on social media.
The Taliban has spoken out to publicly congratulate America on its stunning progress towards religious authoritarianism, while also suggesting that live-streaming a firing-squad execution might be ‘getting a little carried away’.
Reform UK has insisted its fourth-place finish in the Holborn and St Pancras by-election is further evidence that the British public is crying out for a Reform government.
Britons have complained that the annual culture war fight to save Christmas is starting earlier every year, with October barely underway before the first primary-school email has culture warriors insisting it has threatened to ‘ban Christmas’.
MAGA supporters have demonstrated their unwavering love of America by cheering Donald Trump’s remarks about Iran taking out American cities containing Americans they dislike.
Sam Altman has reassured the public that accepting some harms from artificial intelligence is a reasonable price to pay for the potentially enormous financial benefits enjoyed by the people selling it.
The Green Party has reassured Jewish members that they remain entirely welcome, although they might want to check which synagogue they attend before getting too comfortable.
Donald Trump has reassured Americans that government handouts remain a dangerous gateway to socialism, unless they are worth $5,000 and depend on keeping him in power.
Brexit supporters have warned that Andy Burnham’s suggestion that Britain could consider rejoining the EU threatens the nation’s democratic principles by creating the possibility of finding out what people currently want.
Nigel Farage has demanded police declare a terrorist incident after a car backfired outside a mosque, despite officers establishing that the noise came from a car backfiring outside a mosque.
Nigel Farage has been named Terrorists’ PR Professional of the Year after once again demonstrating that people can be made to fear a terrorist attack without terrorists even having to organise one.
Netflix will launch a new fly-on-the-wall documentary about Manchester City on the 1st October, which shows the club enjoying an historic period of on-field success armed with nothing more than the richest owners in world football and a careless disregard for the financial rules of the game.
Plans to ban under-16s from social media from March next year have been welcomed by traditionalists who say the move could finally revive Britain’s once-thriving industry of locally sourced, artisanal teenage bullying.
Everton have been deducted six points with immediate effect after Manchester City were reportedly found guilty of 114 breaches of Premier League financial rules.
Football supporters could soon be rewarded for decades of improving their behaviour by once again being allowed to drink alcohol while watching matches from the stands.
The UK has once again shown its two-tier justice system hates patriotism after a bank robber was arrested just for waving a Union flag outside the bank he robbed moments earlier.
Nigel Farage has reassured voters that his increasingly complicated relationships with crypto billionaires, Bitcoin companies and gold dealers merely demonstrate how closely connected he remains to ordinary working people.
Artificial intelligence has reassured humanity that it no longer has any intention of destroying civilisation after discovering Donald Trump is already making excellent progress without its assistance.
Apple has stunned the technology world by inventing the folding phone, an entirely new type of mobile device that has only previously existed for several years in shops that sell phones made by other companies.
German voters have decided that roughly 90 years is probably a sufficiently long cooling-off period before allowing the far right another opportunity to demonstrate what it can do for the nation.
The Special Relationship between Britain and the United States has entered dangerously uncharted territory after Prime Minister Andy Burnham refused to retract previous criticisms of Donald Trump and appeared prepared to meet the US President without first pretending he thinks he’s absolutely wonderful.
Andrew Tate is nothing more than a bloke who lies about how rich and successful he is on the Internet in order to persuade gullible men to give him money, according to Andrew Tate.
LIV Golf has confirmed it is actively seeking a fresh authoritarian backer, after discovering that even bottomless oil wealth apparently comes with an expiry date.
The ECB has reassured England supporters that the squad has more than enough strength in depth to maintain its impressive recent average of at least one alcohol-related incident per Test match.
Donald Trump has expressed his shock after trade negotiations collapsed amid the extraordinary revelation that Canada believes itself to be an entirely separate country from the United States.
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