Government to reward decades of improved football fan behaviour by reintroducing thing most likely to reverse it
by Andy Matthews 2 months ago 
Football supporters could soon be rewarded for decades of improving their behaviour by once again being allowed to drink alcohol while watching matches from the stands.
The ban on drinking alcohol within sight of the pitch has existed since 1985, when football hooliganism was considerably more common and the authorities concluded that allowing thousands of angry young men to drink heavily while watching something they were extremely emotionally invested in might not be helping.
However, Andy Burnham has suggested the rules should now be reconsidered, arguing that football fans are unfairly treated compared to supporters of sports such as rugby and cricket.
Government behavioural expert Simon Williams welcomed the proposal.
He told us, “Football has made enormous progress over the last forty years.
“We removed alcohol from the stands, introduced better policing, CCTV, improved stewarding, banning orders and all-seater stadiums, and gradually created a much safer environment.
“So obviously the next logical step is to start putting some of the old ingredients back in and see what happens.
“It’s basic science.”
Supporters have also welcomed the plans, insisting there is no reason why modern football fans shouldn’t be trusted to enjoy a responsible drink while spending ninety minutes questioning the referee’s eyesight, parentage and continued right to exist.
Williams continued, “Football supporters can already drink inside stadiums. They just can’t drink while actually looking at the football.
“Apparently, combining lager with the sight of a controversial penalty decision creates a chemical reaction that scientists still don’t fully understand.”
Police representatives have urged caution, pointing out that alcohol continues to be a factor in football-related disorder.
However, ministers insist supporters deserve the opportunity to demonstrate just how far the game has come.
“Football fans have worked incredibly hard to prove that the stereotypes of the 1970s and 80s no longer apply,” concluded Williams.
“And what better way to reward that achievement than finding out whether we can bring them all back?”
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