Nation votes to send Jacob Rees-Mogg to fight Russia by himself

The entire UK has voted to send Jacob Rees-Mogg to fight Russia alone, after he said people may need to join the armed services should a future war break out.

The comments came from Rees-Mogg’s social media, where the former politician and current Victorian ghost was criticised for saying people may have to “die to save their country” in any potential future wars.

“It’s the biggest turnout we’ve ever had,” said poll clerk Simon Williams.

“Literally everyone in the UK voted to send Rees-Mogg to fight Russia on his tod. We’ve had huge queues of people outside every polling station in the UK. He can’t be too down about it, though. After all, someone needs to die to save the country. It may as well be him. 

“Obviously we’ll support him in any way we can. We’ll give him a gun and a helmet, all that sort of stuff. Knowing him, he’ll probably wear a top hat instead of the helmet, but that’s completely his choice. Oh, and don’t worry. We’ll provide him adequate transport to get to Russia. Although, the horse and carriage might take a few weeks to get there, so he better leave right away.

“When you think about it, sending Rees-Mogg to Russia is a win-win situation. Not only will we have someone defending our country, but we’ll also be able to set free all those women tied to train tracks. 

“We really couldn’t have asked for a better outcome.”

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