28-year-old Poppy Williams has today spoken to the media about how she managed to buy her first home simply by making her own lunches to save money, cancelling Netflix, and winning the lottery.
After this year’s GCSE results were released, everyone is busy converting them in their heads into a format they actually understand, rather than the 1-9 scoring system that has been used for the last few years.
Nigel Farage’s Christian values have been confirmed as “whatever Jesus would do if Jesus absolutely despised immigrants”, after former Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams questioned the Reform leader’s commitment to Christianity.
Reform UK has responded to new research showing that ULEZ has helped reverse stunted lung growth in London children by promising to put things right as soon as possible.
Disabled benefit claimants have said Reform’s proposed changes to the benefits system could be just what they need to get back on their feet.
A student from London who earned five A* grades in her A-Levels is being repeatedly told to get out of the shot this morning, it has emerged.
Reform UK has unveiled plans to reward members of the public who report businesses employing illegal workers, insisting the scheme bears absolutely no resemblance whatsoever to East Germany’s notorious Stasi, beyond simply encouraging neighbours to spy on one another on behalf of the authorities for personal gain.
SpaceX has confirmed that the Falcon 9 upper stage, which smashed into the Moon today, had recently been fitted with Tesla’s latest Full Self Driving software, describing the collision as “an unfortunate edge case” that would make future rockets significantly less likely to drive directly into the Moon.
France has promised to reward every asylum seeker returned to its beaches by Nigel Farage’s proposed ‘Operation Fortress’ with a complimentary Eurostar ticket back to London, after concluding that if Britain was going to start playing playground games with international law, it would be rude not to join in.
Gianni Infantino has concluded that the only man capable of repairing the damage caused by Gianni Infantino is, somewhat reassuringly for Gianni Infantino, Gianni Infantino.
Local man Simon Williams has this afternoon revealed his summer body, which appears to be nothing more than a slightly pinker version of his winter body.
FIFA president Gianni Infantino has dismissed criticism of this summer’s World Cup by reminding football fans that he is, in fact, the officially recognised World’s Best Sports Event Organiser, according to an award presented by FIFA.
Reform UK leader Nigel Farage has unveiled his party’s latest plan to tackle crime in Britain by simply ensuring lots of things are no longer illegal – starting with racism.
Following Andrew Tate’s arrest in the United States on behalf of British authorities, a familiar chorus has once again emerged insisting that another wealthy, influential man facing serious allegations is actually the victim.
England manager Thomas Tuchel has reverted to being Germany’s Thomas Tuchel after England lost 2-1 to Argentina in the World Cup semi-final.
Reform UK has insisted its increasingly energetic attempts to portray Count Binface as a dangerous establishment insider are entirely routine, and absolutely not a sign that anyone within the party has spent the last week staring nervously at internal polling data.
People keep asking why I’m standing in the Clacton by-election, and the answer is simple.
Donald Trump has announced plans to place a 2000% tariff on Belgian chocolates after Belgium knocked the United States out of the World Cup, in what the White House insists is “definitely trade policy and not a man having a tantrum because foreigners laughed at him”.
For years, fans of the Minions films have accepted creator Pierre Coffin’s explanation that the little yellow henchmen were safely trapped in an ice cave throughout the Nazi era, conveniently preventing them from serving the most evil man alive.
Nigel Farage has reacted with silent indifference to the news that a member of the Raise the Colours organisation, responsible for hanging thousands of flags from lamp posts, is to stand trial for making indecent images of children. The Reform UK leader, who previously demanded “pure, cold rage” in response to the police’s handling of
Restore UK MP Rupert Lowe has bravely spoken out this week, declaring that straight white men, who have long been considered the apex predators of British society, are now, in fact, its most downtrodden victims.
A routine Tuesday morning Zoom meeting descended into chaos today after organisers halted proceedings for a mandatory hydration break, despite nobody involved reporting any symptoms beyond mild boredom.
A man has today explained that during the heatwave of 1976, everyone just got on with things and didn’t panic like it was the end of the world, despite not being born for another ten years.
US Health Secretary Robert F Kennedy Jr has been spotted pouring buckets of ivermectin into Washington’s algae-infested Reflecting Pool after becoming convinced the anti-parasitic drug could cure “aquatic greenness”.
A Basingstoke man has today defended his use of copyright-protected football coverage, insisting that without it, his start-up AI business will fail.
Donald Trump has promised to unveil the full details of his long-awaited Iran peace deal just as soon as White House staff can find a way to describe it without everyone immediately noticing it appears to have achieved absolutely nothing that wasn’t already achieved by Barack Obama over a decade ago.
Plumber-turned-electoral candidate Rob Kenyon has insisted he doesn’t need to be DBS checked, despite it being common practice for most plumbers, because he only wants to have influence over the laws of the land and not do any babysitting.
Today, British citizens across the country will be remembering the D-Day landings on their 82nd anniversary, including Nigel Farage who spoke at a German rally for far-right political party AfD just a few short years ago.
After Twitter added a feature showing that the locations of many high-profile, well-followed political accounts were actually outside the countries they purport to represent, Elon Musk has insisted that this was his plan all along.
Nigel Farage has demanded people stop referring to the anti-immigrant far-right disturbances in Southampton as the Farage Riots, insisting it is an unfair characterisation based on nothing more than him loudly encouraging people to react with pure cold rage.
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