“If the World Cup was so bad, how did I win this ‘World’s Best Sports Event Organiser’ award?” Infantino tells Instagram followers

FIFA president Gianni Infantino has dismissed criticism of this summer’s World Cup by reminding football fans that he is, in fact, the officially recognised World’s Best Sports Event Organiser, according to an award presented by FIFA.

Responding to complaints ranging from extortionate ticket prices and endless commercialisation to mid-match advertising breaks and the apparent ability of the US President to overturn player suspensions with a quick phone call, Infantino insisted none of those issues could possibly have existed because his trophy cabinet says otherwise.

“You can say what you like about the tournament,” said Infantino, polishing the solid gold statuette before placing it next to his FIFA Peace Prize, “but awards don’t lie. Especially awards presented by the organisation I happen to run.”

The FIFA president said critics had fallen victim to “negativity” and “hate”, unlike the independent panel of FIFA executives who unanimously agreed that Gianni Infantino had organised the greatest sporting event in human history after carefully considering a shortlist consisting solely of Gianni Infantino.

Sources within FIFA confirmed the judging process had been “extremely rigorous”, with Infantino narrowly beating strong competition from “Gianni Infantino, but wearing a different tie”.

Fans remained unconvinced, pointing to soaring accommodation costs, bewildering scheduling decisions, corporate excess and a tournament that occasionally appeared to pause so another multinational could squeeze in a few more adverts.

However, FIFA dismissed those complaints as “the sort of thing people without awards tend to say”.

The governing body is now expected to unveil several new honours at next year’s FIFA Awards ceremony, including the World’s Most Humble Administrator, Best Use Of Executive Travel, and the coveted Lifetime Achievement Award for Donald Trump, recognising his tireless work in bringing peace to football by occasionally shouting at FIFA officials over the telephone.

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