“I’m the real victim in all this,” insists man forced to live in slightly less opulent surroundings

A man who once lived in a 30-room mansion has bravely spoken out about his ordeal after being asked to move into a different royal property that is, by some cruel twist of fate, marginally less grand.

Speaking from a room only slightly smaller than a regional airport lounge, the man explained that he has “suffered enough,” having been uprooted from his previous home and forced to adapt to a new life of unimaginable hardship.

“People don’t understand what this has been like for me,” he said, gesturing sadly at a window overlooking acres and acres of private land.

“One minute you’re surrounded by historic luxury, the next you’re surrounded by… well… historic luxury, but with fewer rooms. How would you cope?”

Friends say the transition has been “devastating,” particularly the moment he realised that not every corridor in the new residence echoes quite as majestically as before.

“There are rooms I may never even use,” he admitted. “But the point is, I could have used them. And now I can’t. That’s the real injustice here.”

Sources close to the situation say he has been struggling to adjust to the reduced level of opulence, which includes fewer staff, slightly less impressive gates, and the emotional toll of knowing that some people might mistakenly think this doesn’t count as “a consequence”.

Royal insiders confirmed that while the new property still includes sprawling grounds, top-tier security, and a lifetime supply of insulation from reality, it lacks the sheer excess previously enjoyed.

“It’s basically exile,” the man continued.

“I mean, yes, it’s secluded, luxurious and funded by unimaginable privilege, but it’s not the same secluded, luxurious privilege I had before.”

At press time, the man was said to be “considering his options,” which include keeping a stiff upper lip, waiting patiently for public sympathy to arrive, or reminding everyone, once again, that he is, somehow, the real victim in all this.

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