Tesla revenue shrinks in rapidly growing EV market as customers show reluctance to give money to bellends

Tesla has reported a significant fall in revenue for 2025, despite the electric vehicle market growing by roughly 25%, prompting analysts to confirm that EV consumers are showing increasing reluctance to give money to twats.

While EV drivers have been enthusiastically snapping up electric vehicles from manufacturers across Europe and Asia, Tesla has somehow managed to miss the party entirely, like a man who turns up to a wedding drunk, insults the bride, and then wonders why no one danced with him.

Industry experts say the numbers provide compelling evidence that consumers are not “anti-EV” or “confused by innovation,” but are instead fully capable of recognising when a company is run by someone they would normally cross the street to avoid.

“People are very keen on electric cars,” said one analyst. “They’re just not keen on sending £40,000 to a man who spends his days arguing with teenagers online and calling everyone who disagrees with him a retard.”

The broader EV market has surged thanks to competitive pricing, improved reliability, and manufacturers who have chosen the radical strategy of not publicly antagonising their potential customers.

Tesla, meanwhile, has doubled down on being Tesla, a move widely regarded as “bold” by anyone familiar with the old saying about doing the same thing time and time again and expecting a different outcome.

British motorists interviewed said they were “perfectly happy” to go electric, but drew the line at funding what one described as “some bloke who’d be thrown out of a Wetherspoons before finishing his first pint.”

Tesla has blamed falling revenue on market conditions, consumer misunderstanding, and a vague sense that everyone else is wrong. Customers, however, insist the decision was simple.

“I just wanted a nice electric car,” said one former Tesla customer. “Not a rolling subscription to someone else’s midlife crisis.”

At press time, Tesla was reportedly confident sales would recover as soon as the public stopped “being retards about everyone.”

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