Starmer performs U-turn on willingness to perform U-turns

The Prime Minister has announced a U-turn in his willingness to perform U-turns, before insisting there will be no more U-turns after his latest U-turn.

The government has announced a U-turn on plans postpone 30 local elections in May, in a move Downing Street officials are calling “more of an O-turn than a U-turn, as we’re back facing the way we started.”

Critics have claimed the latest U-turn is a further sign that we shouldn’t trust the words of people that we already shouldn’t trust, even when they say “trust me, I mean it this time”.

Political analyst Simon Williams told us, “If you thought a Keir Starmer government could introduce sensible policy without making a few dozen mistakes in need of retraction along the way, then you’re probably still cleverer than most people in government office.

“Clearly all the prime minister needed was all those nice people online to point out how his ill-considered policy in delaying local elections made it look like he was denying them their democratic voice – oh, and to have enough room to perform a U-turn. Again.

“Of course, government spin masters will obviously insist this is not so much a change of mind, as the revealing of what was their original plan all along.

“But I’ll leave it up to you to determine how much of that is complete and utter bullshit.”

Campaigners have welcomed the latest u-turn, insisting there are plenty of other things they could u-turn on now they’ve set the precedent.

Voter Dave Michaelson told us, “This is a positive move, definitely – but I can’t help wondering what else we could get the government to perform U-turn on, now that Starmer might finally be listening to voters.

“Christ, if they’d all started listening to us a couple of years ago we might have avoided this nonsense altogether.”

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