On the day that new laws come into force ensuring that women in Ireland will have full control over their mailbox, the nation is voting on whether this should be extended to include full control over their uterus.
Meghan Markle has today made a bold statement regarding the future of the Royal family, by refusing to wear an extortionately overpriced piece of cloth for a few hours and instead opting to change the lives of the homeless community in Windsor.
Transport Secretary Chris Grayling has said that today’s announcement that the government will take over the running of the East Coast mainline is ‘common sense’ and a natural progression of the wider model that the government already has in place.
Asda has confirmed that they are currently putting a scheme in place that will take £2,000 from any debit card transaction, in order to ensure that customers can pay for their shopping until Christmas.
Prime Minister Theresa May is said to be in an ‘excited frenzy’ over plans to become the first country in the world to successfully ban the availability of pornography to people under the age of 18.
Forecasters are predicting that today will be the first day that people over the age of 70 will consider it to be a ‘lovely day’, but much too early in the year to drop their hat, scarf, long johns, gloves, woolly tights, vest, t-shirt, shirt, cardigan and top coat, just in case it turns nippy.
A leaked email has revealed that a recommendation has been made to the government to reduce MP numbers by around 98 percent, claiming that the changes will have a positive effect on how the country is run.
The Liberal Democrat Party, which died two years ago when the Tories pushed it off the toilet, have confirmed today that they are to appoint Elvis Presley in a non-executive role, to assist in making the party popular whilst it is dead.
Reports coming from homeless communities across London are suggesting that Prince Philip’s current hospital stay will see him receiving more than a new hip.
Jesus Christ has announced that he is taking a break from the religious limelight for ‘personal reasons’ and that any prayers between now and December should be directed to St Peter.
Gemalto, the Dutch-French firm that will shortly be producing UK passports, have confirmed today that they will not be offering a postal service and that UK citizens who wish to travel abroad will need to collect their passport in person from Amsterdam.
Former social media site Friends Reunited has apparently shown the briefest signs of life, following years of being in a vegetative state, its loved ones have reported today.
A talented multi-tasker, who managed to safely taunt a fellow motorist from his car window and film the incident with his mobile phone, all while driving a vehicle that contained his 14-year-old daughter, has lost his place on the Father of the Year shortlist, according to reports this morning
President Trump today declared that Britain had been ‘weak’ in allowing former spy Sergei Skripal to be poisoned in Salisbury yesterday, insisting that following the death of Alexander Litvinenko in 2006, all UK residents should have been armed with a ‘cupful’ of polonium-210.
Thousands of passengers were stranded across the normally fully-operational frozen tundra of Siberia today after a number of trains had to be cancelled because they were in no fit state to run.
Police have confirmed that the road to Brexit will be closed for ‘some time to come’ following a serious multi-politician collision shortly after junction one, apparently caused by them all trying to drive in different directions.
Anna Soubry, a pro-European ex-business minister has threatened to resign from her post as MP for Broxtowe if the government continues with plans to leave the EU, simply because it was the preferred option of a fair and open referendum.
Less than two weeks after announcing that they will be ‘supporting a more diverse and inclusive game in 2018’, the Football Association have proved as good as their word by appointing a rich, middle-aged white man who has only managed one game of football in his life as the national women’s team coach.
A new government initiative, put in place following the collapse of building giants Carillion and designed to root out and punish incompetent bosses, has begun an investigation into Theresa May.
A team of scientists studying the little-known breeding habits of the Italian spider crab have been criticised today for not seeking the opinion of unemployed Brexiteer Nigel Farage at the end of their programme.
A new government minister, appointed to tackle the problems faced by those who have become detached from society has been assigned to look after Theresa May, a 61-year-old Prime Minister from London.
New Wales manager Ryan Giggs has already proved to be a family friendly coach by insisting that all players bring in pictures of their wives and girlfriends when they meet for their first training camp.
Emergency services were today called out to a middle-class family home in Surrey, following reports by neighbours of “shouting and a funny smell”.
Judy Murray has confirmed at a press conference this morning that she is becoming ‘fed up’ of the attitude of her main star and is open to the possibility of signing a replacement before the end of the month.
A family, whose London abode has enough bedrooms to luxuriously house all of the survivors of the Grenfell Tower disaster, has attended a memorial service held at St Paul’s Cathedral yesterday to pay tribute to the victims.
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