New government clampdown on ‘incompetent bosses’ to start with investigation of Theresa May

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A new government initiative, put in place following the collapse of building giants Carillion and designed to root out and punish incompetent bosses, has begun an investigation into Theresa May.

Mrs May said last week that she was determined that leaders should have to take their responsibilities seriously and that “any individual using their position for personal gain to the detriment of the greater good would be severely punished”.

Mrs May said that particular attention would be paid to the following four areas:

  • Bosses who seek to use company funds to secure their own position, regardless of the consequences
  • Managers who continue to employ, or even defend, those who have shown themselves to be an ‘improper person’ to conduct their role, such as looking at pornography at work or sexually harassing colleagues
  • Directors who are seen to continually reward incompetent Heads of Department, in particular, those who have portfolios extended despite causing people to die
  • Any executive suspected of offering competent, forward thinking and intelligent gay staff insignificant positions so that they will be forced to resign

A member of the newly formed team, made up of cross-party, independent members, told us today that the Prime Minister would continue in her position whilst the investigation was carried out but that she was ‘obviously guilty’.

The woman, who wished only to be known as JG, told us, “Mrs May will keep working for now  – at least until we can pin this lot on her, which isn’t going to be too difficult. I just wish it was the middle ages so that we could burn the witch.”

It is thought that the impartial and balanced committee will make a decision before the end of the month.