UK braced for first day of over-wrapped pensioners whinging that it’s too hot

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Forecasters are predicting that today will be the first day that people over the age of 70 will consider it to be a ‘lovely day’, but much too early in the year to drop their hat, scarf, long johns, gloves, woolly tights, vest, t-shirt, shirt, cardigan and top coat, just in case it turns nippy.

As pensioners across the UK venture out to the shops, many will realise that they are uncomfortably hot within seconds of leaving their homes.

However, rather than pop back inside and remove a few layers, they will convince themselves that there could be a ‘beast from the east’ coming down the High Street and will plod on anyway.

Edith Copperspoon, an 81-year-old great-grandmother from Wakefield, whose husband died from heatstroke last May, told us today, “It is lovely when the sun gets out, but it’s only April and you can’t be too careful.

“After what happened to our Albert, I sometimes take my gloves off when I get to the corner, but only if it’s warm enough.”

With temperatures set to soar into the mid-20s in parts of the country, it is feared that the smell from the pensioners in some city centres will become unbearable.

However, some sharp-witted shopkeepers are already planning to take advantage of this, with local storeowner Simon Williams telling us that he has ‘huge stock’ of pensioner sprays, which could alleviate the problem.

“If everyone took it upon themselves to fumigate a single pensioner every day, then the environmental issue would disappear overnight,” he explained.

Meanwhile, Mrs Copperspoon was having none of it, “I might not smell great and generally be uncomfortable,” she told us, “but I’m prepared.”