Meanwhile: Handsome, chiselled, soulful man will be keeping his t-shirt ON today

author avatar by 6 years ago

A chiselled God of a man is maintaining an annoying level of public decency while lesser men walk around shirtless.

Jay Cooper, 26, works out hard and eats a carefully balanced, protein-rich diet, while his dark hair and well-groomed beard bring to mind a younger Jason Momoa.

The sudden heatwave has inspired many men of questionable aesthetic appeal to take their shirts off while waddling down the local High Street

“But of course Jay’s kept his kit on, so we just get to look at all of the Phil Taylor lookalikes wandering around with their bellies out,” grumbled Jay’s colleague, Hayley Rice.

“It’s not fair. I came to work at the smoothie bar today specifically hoping to catch a glimpse of him laying on the grass at lunch, but he’s going to sit indoors and read Sylvia Plath’s ‘The Bell Jar’ instead because of course he’s intellectually enlightened too; the well-mannered, gorgeous prick.”

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Jay Cooper replied, “Oh, this is all very flattering, thank you.”

“I just don’t really want to take my shirt off today. I don’t really tend to do that unless I’m at the beach or if I’m swimming or if I’m about to make passionate yet considerate love to a sober woman for several hours.

“Fair play to all these other lads who want to get their tops off at the merest glimpse of the sun, though. They should be embracing their bodies whatever their shape. In a way, they inspire me.”

Hayley swooned before demanding, “GET. IN. ME.”