Leaked report says that reducing MP numbers by 98% would ‘increase efficiency’

author avatar by 5 years ago

A leaked email has revealed that a recommendation has been made to the government to reduce MP numbers by around 98 percent, claiming that the changes will have a positive effect on how the country is run.

An independent strategy group was brought in to look at making efficiency savings in Westminster and have reached the conclusion that the house would work just as well with just 13 MPs debating top matters sensibly and with valid and well-informed opinions.

Roger Harrison, the consultant leading the project, told us, “What we really need to do is get rid of the people who don’t turn up, the ones that fall asleep and the pissed ones at the back who sometimes shit themselves.

“Once we trim those down, then get rid of the thick ones, the sexist ones, the corrupt ones and the bigoted ones, then we will have a strong backbone of around a dozen or remaining MPs, who would be able to make swift and effective decisions.

“Most large organisations, which have to make huge – in some cases multi-billion pound – decisions would never have a boardroom of 650 people. It would be ludicrous, expensive and end up as an absolutely catastrophic shower of shit,” he concluded.

The cuts, if approved, would mean an annual saving to the country of almost £50M per year on salaries alone, before other costs, such as expenses, rent boys and prostitutes are taken into account.

MPs will be asked to vote on whether the recommendations should be actioned later in the month.

Whatever this is, I didn’t vote for it – get the t-shirt!