Less than two weeks after announcing that they will be ‘supporting a more diverse and inclusive game in 2018’, the Football Association have proved as good as their word by appointing a rich, middle-aged white man who has only managed one game of football in his life as the national women’s team coach.
Whilst there were other suitably qualified contenders, such as interim boss Mo Marley, who had been in charge of the team since the sacking of the saintly and engaging Mark Sampson, it seems that none of them had the correct genitalia.
Greg Clarke, the chairman of the FA, told us today that he thought that Phil Neville was the ideal candidate, “Phil will be an excellent appointment and will help the little ladies understand the offside rule and show them some keepy-ups, whilst they can show him how to keep things clean and tidy in the dressing room.
“We have even installed a wipe-clean calendar, where the girls can track their periods so that Phil knows when it’s not worth his while winding them up. We’ve thought of everything you could expect from a modern, inclusive sporting organisation.”
When asked why Mo Marley wasn’t given the job on a permanent basis, Clarke advised us that she still has a bit to learn, explaining “I respect Mo, I really do, but all she has won in her managerial career is the FA Women’s Premier League Cup, the FA Women’s Cup and the UEFA Women’s Under 19 Championship.
“In contrast, Phil has managed a really difficult game for Salford against Kendal Town, during which, men were playing.”
It is thought that the FA will continue driving their diversity policy, with a meeting planned later in the year to discuss whether there are too many black managers in the game.