Dan Sweryt

Liz Truss sends letter of no confidence about new PM

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It has been revealed that one of the letters of no confidence sent to the 1922 Committee highlighting concerns about the new Prime Minister was sent by Conservative party member of parliament Liz Truss.

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Putin conscripts to be down-skilled to the required level of Russian military ineptitude

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Failing dictator Vladimir Putin has promised to down-skill newly mobilised Russian military reservists to the level required for Russian military incompetence. Reservist, Cymon Williamski, said, “As a reservist for the Russian Federation’s military, I have kept myself trained to the level I thought was required in case of a call-up such as this one. “However, […]

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‘BJ the Prime Minister’ now a verb as well as noun

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The Oxford English Dictionary has added a second definition to ‘BJ the Prime Minister’ after it was revealed to also be a verb as well as a noun.

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Entire country switches to electric vehicles overnight as single tank of fuel passes RRP of a Tesla

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The entire population of the UK bought electric vehicles during the night as buying an expensive electric vehicle became cheaper than a single tank of fuel.

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US Supreme Court to finally restrict Second Amendment after school shootings repositioned as 560-week abortions

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The US Supreme Court is set to finally throw their weight behind gun reform after the latest school shooting was repositioned as a series of 560-week abortions.

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Republicans finally back gun control after school shootings repositioned as 560-week abortions

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Senior Republicans have finally thrown their weight behind gun reform after the latest school shooting was repositioned as a series of 560-week abortions.

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Energy company bosses warn hundreds of executives’ families at risk of falling into Fuel Wealth

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Energy company bosses are warning the government that hundreds – if not thousands – of energy company executives’ families are at risk of falling into serious Fuel Wealth in the upcoming months.

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Man decides it is easier to be a climate change denier than waste his life washing out food containers

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A man has decided it’s easier to become a climate change denier than spend 90% of his free time scrubbing out the remnants of an M&S Broccoli Cheese or Waitrose Cannelloni in order to recycle them.

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5G conspiracists reaching evidence-free conclusions up to 20 times faster than 4G conspiracists

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Normal people are concerned that 5G conspiracy theorists are reaching fanciful inaccurate conclusions at speeds up to 20 times faster than 4G conspiracy theorists ever could, even at their most efficient.

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Russian TV viewers subjected to a version of Back To The Future where Biff wins

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Russians are subjugated to a version of Back To The Future where the glorious Biff Tannon is supremely victorious in crushing the evil, westernised Marty McFly.

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