Dan Sweryt

GB News to boost ratings by unwrapping surprise eggs live on air

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GB News is aiming to boost its viewing numbers – which would be described as ‘flagging’, if they weren’t already zero – by having all their presenters unwrap surprise eggs live on telly.

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Scottish monopoly on decent British tennis players finally comes to an end

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The decade-long Scottish dominance of decent standard British tennis players has finally come to an end after an English player got to the final of a competition that actually means something.

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Amazon’s UK tax finally found behind neighbour’s bins

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Amazon has paid more UK tax this year than cumulatively over their entire existence after all their previous amounts were found behind the bins next door to HMRC.

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Boris Johnson still keeping to manifesto pledge of breaking every manifesto pledge

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Boris Johnson is sticking steadfastly to his manifesto pledge of breaking every manifesto pledge.

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US hire Russian ransomware experts in attempt to brick military hardware left in Afghanistan

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The United States has hired the creme de la creme of Russia’s ransomware experts in attempts to brick all the military hardware that’s been left as welcoming gifts for the Taliban in Afghanistan.

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Theme park bin now 100% wasp

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A bin at a theme park has broken all records and is now 100% wasp.

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‘Promising’ paddling pool now lying abandoned in garden, dirty and half-full of rainwater

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The paddling pool that showed so much promise during the two and a half days of UK Summer has since lay strewn across something in your garden, dishevelled, starting to deflate and full of dirty rainwater, inexplicable black dirt and dead insects.

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Norway men’s beach handball team fined after refusing to play in mankinis

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The Norwegian men’s beach handball team have been fined over £1,000, after refusing to play in mankinis at the recent European Championships, as per the sport’s strict rules.

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Team GB could lose dressage bronze medal after tests reveal pantomime horse

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Team GB could lose their Olympic dressage bronze medal after doping tests came back positive for use of a pantomime horse.

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Man already unable to recall name of diver who won gold medal with Tom Daley

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Simon Williams has today admitted that he’s struggling to remember the name of the diver who won an Olympic gold medal with Tom Daley just 36 hours ago.

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