Dan Sweryt

Huawei’s new phone unveiled as two tin cans and piece of string

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Huawei’s groundbreaking new phone will be two tin cans and a piece of string, after yet more companies retracted their assistance because of new US regulations.

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World Championship Snooker to launch replica kits

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The Snooker World Championship will aim to emulate the cynical money-making of the Champions League with the introduction of multiple replica kits.

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Man who ran marathon dressed as Big Ben forced to stop at finish line for four years of repairs

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The marathon runner dressed as Big Ben was forced to stop before the finish line and undertake four years of repairs.

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Philip Green lookalike seen ‘licking lips’ at Debenhams’ pension scheme

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Reports have been made that a man who looked a lot like ‘entrepreneur’ ‘Sir’ Philip Green has been allegedly licking his lips whilst staring at the Debenhams pension scheme.

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Education Secretary tells protesting headteachers it’s their own time they’re wasting

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The Education Secretary, Damian Hinds, has told headteachers that it’s their own time they’re wasting by protesting against education cuts after more than 7,000 headteachers wrote a joint letter to 3.5million families, warning of worsening budget shortages.

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Chris Grayling hires man who doesn’t know anything about ferry fiasco to answer MPs’ questions about ferry fiasco

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True to form, Transport Secretary and the government’s current Chief Idiot du Jour, Chris Grayling has hired a man who doesn’t know anything about the ferry fiasco to answer MPs’ questions about the ferry fiasco.

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Vladimir Putin announced as new Facebook news regulator

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Vladimir Putin has been revealed as the newly appointed news regulator for tech giant Facebook.

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Donald Trump suggests UK builds great wall across Northern Ireland and gets EU to pay for it

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Donald Trump has suggested that what Britain needs is a wall across the bottom of Northern Ireland and told them to make the EU pay for it.

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Saturn’s rings revealed to be much younger than Jacob Rees-Mogg

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Saturn’s spectacular rings have been revealed to be much younger than Tory backbench MP Jacob Rees-Mogg.

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Amazon boss Jeff Bezos celebrates divorce deal after being awarded 50% of wife’s hair

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Jeff Bezos is the true winner in the divorce with his wife Mackenzie as he looks set to receive half her beautiful long, flowing locks in the settlement.

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