Dan Sweryt

Amazon boss Jeff Bezos celebrates divorce deal after being awarded 50% of wife’s hair

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Jeff Bezos is the true winner in the divorce with his wife Mackenzie as he looks set to receive half her beautiful long, flowing locks in the settlement.

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Supergonorrhoea to join ailing DC Extended Universe

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Supergonorrhoea has joined the DC Extended Universe in a bit to raise awareness of the ailing film franchise.

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Sales of CDs slump after no-one has any room left in the garage

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Sales of CDs plummeted by 23% last year, as consumers realised there’s no more space in the garage for little plastic boxes that they have to climb over to find.

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UAE seeking plaudits for pardoning ‘spy’ who can’t read or speak the language he was sent to spy in

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The famously liberal government of the United Arab Emirates are seeking plaudits from the UK for their act of pardoning a ‘convicted spy’ who can’t read or speak the language of the country he had been sent to spy on.

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Government wouldn’t be in this mess if Boris Johnson’s dad had stuck to his Withdrawal Agreement

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The government wouldn’t be in this mess if Boris Johnson’s dad had stuck to the Withdrawal Agreement he negotiated with his wife on the night Boris was conceived, say senior political analysts.

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Very rich people happy to find that undermining democracy only costs £135,000

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Very rich people in the UK are pleased to find that the process of undermining democracy comes with a very reasonable charge of only £135,000.

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Brexit proving people who ‘like to tell it how it is’ really don’t ‘like to hear it how it is’

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Brexit is proving that people in the UK who boast that ‘telling it how it is’ as if its a badge of honour, really don’t want to ‘hear how it is’ in actuality.

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Parents of head teachers facing fine for them missing a day at school

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Headteachers’ parent will soon be receiving a fine from the school for them taking an unauthorised day’s holiday to march at a Downing Street rally.

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Mary Poppins Returns subtitle finally revealed as ‘Mary Delivers a Brexit That’s Practically Perfect in Every Way

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The title of the belated Mary Poppins sequel has finally been revealed as ‘Mary Poppins Returns: Mary Delivers a Brexit That’s Practically Perfect in Every Way’.

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Planet Earth to search for better deal by switching away from the Sun as main energy provider

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Planet Earth is planning to switch from using the Sun as its energy supplier, in order to get a better deal on its fuel bills.

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