Investment bankers are about to throw their toys out of the pram as Chancellor John Healey’s plan to increase taxes on the banking sector could see their bonuses downgraded from ‘depraved’ to merely ‘obscene’.
Sports equipment giant Adidas are suing a schoolboy who has inadvertently wiped two green stripes down his school jumper sleeve.
Nationwide Building Society has extended its range of mortgages for postage stamps to 30 years, after Royal Mail’s latest price rises made them unaffordable over the usual 25.
President Trump has been awarded the FIFA War Prize this morning.
Senior Republicans have finally thrown their weight behind gun reform after the latest school shooting was repositioned as 520-week enforced abortions.
Everyone in the country is undertaking a foul-mouthed tirade trying to retrieve the fan from the back of the garage where they dumped it last year believing they would never need it ever again.
A man has decided it’s easier to become a climate change denier than spend 90% of his free time scrubbing out the remnants of an M&S Broccoli Cheese or Waitrose Cannelloni in order to recycle them.
Senior Republicans have finally thrown their weight behind gun reform after the latest school shooting was repositioned as a series of 720-week abortions.
Team GB could lose their place in the Olympic dressage event after doping tests came back positive for use of a pantomime horse.
A man has decided it’s easier to become a climate change denier than spend 90% of his free time scrubbing out the remnants of an M&S Broccoli Cheese or Waitrose Cannelloni in order to recycle them.
The Snooker World Championship will aim to emulate the cynical money-making of the Premier League with the introduction of multiple replica kits.
A bin at a theme park has broken all records and is now 100% wasp.
The paddling pool that showed so much promise during the early days of UK Summer has since lay strewn across something in your garden, dishevelled, starting to deflate and full of dirty rainwater, inexplicable black dirt and dead insects.
Everyone in the country is undertaking a foul-mouthed tirade trying to retrieve the fan from the back of the garage where they dumped it last year believing they would never need it ever again.
The US Supreme Court is set to finally throw its weight behind gun reform after the latest school shooting was repositioned as a series of 470-week abortions.
The date for the referendum on whether ketchup should be kept in or out of the fridge has been announced as June 23rd this year.
CEOs of all the energy companies in the UK are bracing themselves for the huge bonuses coming their way this year.
The UK’s Conservatives are all really happy that all that Brexit palaver finally sorted out Tory in-fighting once and for all, and that we haven’t seen any of it since.
It has been revealed that one of the letters of no confidence sent to the 1922 Committee highlighting concerns about the new Prime Minister was sent by Conservative party member of parliament Liz Truss.
Failing dictator Vladimir Putin has promised to down-skill newly mobilised Russian military reservists to the level required for Russian military incompetence. Reservist, Cymon Williamski, said, “As a reservist for the Russian Federation’s military, I have kept myself trained to the level I thought was required in case of a call-up such as this one. “However,
The Oxford English Dictionary has added a second definition to ‘BJ the Prime Minister’ after it was revealed to also be a verb as well as a noun.
The entire population of the UK bought electric vehicles during the night as buying an expensive electric vehicle became cheaper than a single tank of fuel.
The US Supreme Court is set to finally throw their weight behind gun reform after the latest school shooting was repositioned as a series of 560-week abortions.
Senior Republicans have finally thrown their weight behind gun reform after the latest school shooting was repositioned as a series of 560-week abortions.
Energy company bosses are warning the government that hundreds – if not thousands – of energy company executives’ families are at risk of falling into serious Fuel Wealth in the upcoming months.
A man has decided it’s easier to become a climate change denier than spend 90% of his free time scrubbing out the remnants of an M&S Broccoli Cheese or Waitrose Cannelloni in order to recycle them.
Normal people are concerned that 5G conspiracy theorists are reaching fanciful inaccurate conclusions at speeds up to 20 times faster than 4G conspiracy theorists ever could, even at their most efficient.
Russians are subjugated to a version of Back To The Future where the glorious Biff Tannon is supremely victorious in crushing the evil, westernised Marty McFly.
Jimmy Carr has agreed to show solidarity with all the outraged non-Travellers who haven’t watched his new Netflix show yet, by agreeing to change his name to Jimmy Caravan.
CEOs of all the energy companies in the UK are bracing themselves for the huge bonuses coming their way this year.
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