Dan Sweryt

‘Promising’ paddling pool now lying abandoned in garden, dirty and half-full of rainwater

Thumbnail image for ‘Promising’ paddling pool now lying abandoned in garden, dirty and half-full of rainwater

The paddling pool that showed so much promise during the two and a half days of UK Summer has since lay strewn across something in your garden, dishevelled, starting to deflate and full of dirty rainwater, inexplicable black dirt and dead insects.

Read the full article →

Norway men’s beach handball team fined after refusing to play in mankinis

Thumbnail image for Norway men’s beach handball team fined after refusing to play in mankinis

The Norwegian men’s beach handball team have been fined over £1,000, after refusing to play in mankinis at the recent European Championships, as per the sport’s strict rules.

Read the full article →

Team GB could lose dressage bronze medal after tests reveal pantomime horse

Thumbnail image for Team GB could lose dressage bronze medal after tests reveal pantomime horse

Team GB could lose their Olympic dressage bronze medal after doping tests came back positive for use of a pantomime horse.

Read the full article →

Man already unable to recall name of diver who won gold medal with Tom Daley

Thumbnail image for Man already unable to recall name of diver who won gold medal with Tom Daley

Simon Williams has today admitted that he’s struggling to remember the name of the diver who won an Olympic gold medal with Tom Daley just 36 hours ago.

Read the full article →

UK hits highest rate of Covid app deletion since pandemic began

Thumbnail image for UK hits highest rate of Covid app deletion since pandemic began

Yesterday saw the highest daily rate of NHS Test and Trace Covid app deletion since the pandemic began.

Read the full article →

Government confirm ‘No more Lockdowns’ as Test & Trace app tells entire country to self-isolate

Thumbnail image for Government confirm ‘No more Lockdowns’ as Test & Trace app tells entire country to self-isolate

UK Government plc has confirmed that there will be no more Covid lockdowns, just as their magnificent Test & Trace app pings literally everyone in the country to lock themselves in their house and not see anyone.

Read the full article →

Everyone swearing while trying to get to back of garage where they threw the fan

Thumbnail image for Everyone swearing while trying to get to back of garage where they threw the fan

Everyone in the country is undertaking a foul-mouthed tirade trying to retrieve the fan from the back of the garage where they dumped it last year believing they would never need it ever again.

Read the full article →

“You’d do drugs too if you had to sit through 26 Eurovision songs” says this year’s winner

Thumbnail image for “You’d do drugs too if you had to sit through 26 Eurovision songs” says this year’s winner

The lead singer of the Italian band who won the Eurovision Song Contest has said that he’s surprised everyone wasn’t taking drugs in order to get them through Saturday night’s long, long, long night of cheesy pop.

Read the full article →

Brummie accent perfect cover for criminal mastermind, insists BBC

Thumbnail image for Brummie accent perfect cover for criminal mastermind, insists BBC

The Brummie accent is the perfect cover for a criminal mastermind, say the bigwigs at the BBC, because they think Brummies are all idiots because of the way they speak.

Read the full article →

Ex-Special Advisor with well-documented eyesight problems can apparently see everything wrong with government

Thumbnail image for Ex-Special Advisor with well-documented eyesight problems can apparently see everything wrong with government

An ex-Special Advisor who admitted to driving despite worrying issues with his eyesight, suddenly has 20:20 vision when it comes to seeing what’s wrong with the government.

Read the full article →

← Previous Entries