The date for the referendum on whether ketchup should be kept in or out of the fridge has been announced as June 23rd this year.
Self-styled ‘Prime Minister’, Rishi Sunak, said, “We have many pressing issues facing this country right now, but it’s important that my government distracts you with a question that can only be decided once and for all by the British public.
“I will be campaigning for it to remain in the fridge. Though, of course, I am willing to be led blindly by the will of the people to reach my political ambitions.
“In the past, a general election would be held for each constituent to decide on a representative to make decisions on their behalf for the next five years.
“However, in this brave new world, said representative has no accountability whatsoever and need not worry about making any decisions – great news for the Tory party – as we have this foolproof, solid policy of holding referenda now.”
Michael Gove, after a long rehabilitation period from the exhaustion of persistent lying during the last referendum, is expected to make his long-awaited comeback.
Mr Gove, a monumental bellend, said, “Obviously this bottle ketchup belongs out of the fridge. Think of the energy it is taking up cooling this ketchup. We could take that money and give it to the mayonnaise.
“It might say on the side that you need to refrigerate after opening, but that’s just the so-called experts of the liberal elite kidding the working man into doing their bidding.
“Does anyone have a bus?”