World Snooker Championship to launch replica kits

author avatar by 3 weeks ago

The Snooker World Championship will aim to emulate the cynical money-making of the Premier League with the introduction of multiple replica kits.

There will be home, away and third kits for each player. With each one including a bow tie.

Self-appointed Snooker Champions League executive, Simon Scudamore, said, “Snooker has trailed many other sports in the past, and it’s time to catch up with the endorsements other professional leisure activities have.

“The most obvious of these is selling millions of replica kits. I, for one, can’t wait to see hard-core snooker fans in these arenas doing the Poznan whilst wearing a Ronny O’Sullivan third kit.

“The colours haven’t all been decided yet, but we wouldn’t want them to clash, so Ronny’s third kit will most likely have a Mr Tumble-coloured bow tie.

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“There will also be half-and-half scarves available for every match – though obviously not for any Marco Fu/Mark King match – plus video advertising boards that flash and scroll around the table whilst players are trying to pot the final black for a 147, and you’ll be sort-of allowed to smoke in the toilet cubicles even though it’s technically illegal.

“We’ll send players to a far off place for one match a year, most likely the Moon, in order to appeal to new potential victi… I mean, ‘markets’.

“And, finally, after years of discussion, this new league will bring in the use of up to three substitutes, and an extra one if there’s a black ball finish.

“I for one, cannot wait for the day each of the players gives me a ‘voluntary’ pay-off of £250k for the stuff I have done for them all, on top of the millions I’m bound to earn out of this already.”