Monday 7 March 2022 by Dan Sweryt

Russian TV viewers subjected to a version of Back To The Future where Biff wins


Russia Back to the Future

Russians are subjugated to a version of Back To The Future where the glorious Biff Tannon is supremely victorious in crushing the evil, westernised Marty McFly.

Back To The Future superfan, Marty Williams, said, “Frankly I am utterly disgusted with this version. Because I’m a completist and won’t be able to see it.

“I have heard that the film has significant changes from the original.

“Martin McFlyski finds himself being chased by lying, liberal media journalists so jumps into Comrade Brown’s Lada Riva.

“When the car hits 18mph, he is transported 30 years to the past, to a modern-day Russia.

“Throughout the state-sanctioned narrative, every time Marty gets one up on Biff, he is brutally taken down by Biff’s humourless henchmen and thrown in a cell without access to a lawyer.

“Then, as a direct consequence of Biff ending up in a pile of manure, Marty’s father is immediately taken to a gulag, resulting in Marty disappearing in a black-and-white photo taken by a pinhole camera.

“Of course, Biff wins the hand of Marty’s mother, taking her by force. The plotline does mean Marty would have disappeared from the Enchantment Under The Sea dance, only rock and roll has been banned under state law, so Biff plays “State Anthem of the Russian Federation” on a balalaika to a crowd gathered by armed troops.”

The new cut of the film was supposed to come in at 24 minutes, but due to Russian planning is already 500 times as long with no end in sight.

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