Mike Hookem through to next round of UKIP leadership contest
Mike “Hook ‘em” Hookem has booked his place in the next round of the UKIP leadership contest after knocking out fellow MEP Steven Woolfe.
The Wurzels cancel order for brand new combine harvester amidst Brexit uncertainty
English Scrumpy and Western band, The Wurzels, have announced that they have cancelled their proposed purchase of a brand new combine harvester as a result of the UK’s decision to leave the EU.
‘Are you chewing gum?’ Head Teacher of Hartsdown Academy asks reporters at gate
Matthew Tate, head teacher at Hartsdown Academy in Margate has sent home reporters from the BBC and Sky News for chewing gum and smoking.
Cut what you like, I’m about to get an extra £350m a week, says NHS
The NHS has said that the draconian budget cuts revealed today are ‘no biggie’ because the health service will be swimming in cash once Britain leaves the EU.
‘Where’s my f*cking medal’ demands horse
Charlotte Dujardin’s horse Valegro has demanded to know why he hasn’t been given a gold medal like the woman he carries around.
Dispute over image rights will see Mourinho manage Manchester Utd in balaclava
A dispute over image rights could see new Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho wear a balaclava on the touchline and during post-match interviews.
NHS doctor who joined ISIS lured by promise of ‘better working conditions’
An NHS Doctor who joined Islamic State is understood to have been attracted by the promise of improved terms and conditions and the prospect of having the occasional weekend off.
Prime Minister to attend PMQs in his pants if UK votes for Brexit
David Cameron has vowed to appear at Prime Minister’s Questions wearing only his pants if Britain votes to leave the European Union in June.
Weasel that sabotaged Large Hadron Collider ‘acted alone’ say Police
The weasel that shut down the Large Hadron Collider by gnawing through a power cable was a ‘lone wolf’, according to Swiss Police.
Tom Daley to just dive naked and be done with it
British medal hopeful Tom Daley has announced that he will compete at this summer’s Olympics games wearing nothing but an expression of quiet determination.
Moron convinced Bake Off’s Nadiya has planted bomb in Queen’s birthday cake
A far-right nutjob is convinced that Great British Bake Off winner Nadiya Hussain has planted an explosive device inside the cake she has baked for the Queen’s 90th birthday celebrations.
Prince William to increase workload by taking Aston Villa job
William Duke of Cambridge has responded to criticism that he is workshy by taking over as manager of newly relegated Aston Villa.
Qatar wins bid to host Glastonbury 2018
Glastonbury founder Michael Eavis has confirmed that the festival will move away from Worthy Farm for the first time in 2018 when it will be hosted by Qatar.
