A far-right nutjob is convinced that Great British Bake Off winner Nadiya Hussain has planted an explosive device inside the cake she has baked for the Queen’s 90th birthday celebrations.
“Nadiya’s on deep cover and has tricked us into thinking that she is a national treasure and Baker of lovely cakes,” says Keith Mooney.
“When really she’s just been waiting for her chance to get close to the Queen, then BOOM! Come on Britain, wake up!
“Ok, I may be wrong,” admitted Mooney, “But why take the risk? Why can’t they have got someone with a less obvious route to Islamic fundamentalism to bake the cake, like Delia Smith or Mary Berry?
M15 have confirmed that Mooney has shared his suspicions with the security services.
“We did get a note from a man claiming that the Queen was in danger,” said an MI5 spokesman.
“Something about an orange drizzle cake filled with marmalade, buttercream and plastic explosives, but it was difficult to read because it was written in crayon and littered with spelling mistakes.”
Meanwhile, Mooney’s colleagues are not surprised by his latest theory.
“Keith’s always coming out with this sort of shit,” says co-worker Tom Davis.
“Sometimes I feel sorry for him because his wife left him and he has no friends, but then he’ll say that Mo Farah is an Al Qaeda sleeper agent and I just think ‘Twonk’.”