William Duke of Cambridge has responded to criticism that he is workshy by taking over as manager of newly relegated Aston Villa.
The Duke is understood to have been recommended to the Villa board by the Prime Minister, who has supported the club ever since being told to by an adviser.
“The Duke of Cambridge called me to say that he was catching a bit of stick about not pulling his weight,” said Mr Cameron.
“He asked if I knew of any high-profile roles he could perform to help him appear busy. I told him there was a job going at Aston Villa. The Duke said that leading Villa sounded lovely, so I called Randy Lerner and hey presto! he starts in the summer.”
However, many Villa fans are shocked by the appointment.
“I didn’t see that coming,” says season ticket holder Barry Spurtle. ‘We thought it would be Nigel Pearson or David Moyes. The second in line to the throne was well down the list, behind Sean Dyche.
“We thought it would be Nigel Pearson or David Moyes. The second in line to the throne was well down the list, just behind Sean Dyche.
“As far as I’m aware Prince William has no experience engineering promotion from an increasingly competitive Championship.
“He’s used to the finer things in life-like gala dinners and cruises on the Royal Yacht. How’s he going to cope on a pissing wet Tuesday night in Rotherham yelling at Alan Hutton to hoof it the fuck up the park?”
William was quick to defend his appointment and answer questions over how he would handle the Gabby Agbonlahor situation.
“I will handle it like a professional,” insisted the Duke.
“Just as soon as I find out what a Gabby Agbonlahor is.”