Articles By Garth Apthomas

Mike Ashley sends Newcastle United players to pick fruit on farm in Surrey

Liverpool’s Salah celebrates wonder goal by checking out property prices in Barcelona

Conor McGregor backs down from the challenge of sorting out Brexit talks

Arsenal had £197,999,999 Neymar bid rejected, claims Arsene Wenger

Nigel Farage embraces ‘gangsta’ lifestyle after being named in FBI investigation

Environment

Trump announces ‘Donald’s Ark’ to allay fears of climate change disaster

Sports

Spirit of Houdini pays tribute to Arsene Wenger

UK

Theresa May Weeble wobble toy becomes instant best seller

Saudi Arabia criticises Donald Trump over his treatment of women

Relief as Chelsea ensure Britain will not suffer another Chas and Dave FA Cup Final song

Entertainment

Ed Sheeran awarded knighthood after hitting Justin Bieber with a golf club

Crystal Palace fans begin to panic over fears Barcelona will try to lure away Big Sam

Obama to blame for me not being able to open jar of pickles, roars President Trump

Trump signs Executive Order to review the Ten Commandments

Teenager who hates vegetables creates fake news health alert about sprouts

Rising defence costs mean Army can only protect nation from 9am-5pm on weekdays

Newly discovered passage from the Bible advocates leaving the EU