Articles By Nathan Cowley

Tommy Robinson revealed as the next James Bond

Tommy Robinson has been announced as the new James Bond, after producers agreed it would be much more realistic if the secret agent was a far-right extremist.

Keir Starmer standing alone at PMQs after suspending every member of Labour

Keir Starmer has arrived for Prime Minister’s Questions on his own, standing in front of a sea of empty benches after suspending every single member of the Labour Party.

Kanye West disgusted by Labour WhatsApp messages

Kanye West says he is absolutely disgusted by the WhatsApp comments made by Labour MPs, admitting even he wouldn’t have said some of the stuff they’d been putting in the group chat.

Rap concert interrupted by impromptu NFL match

A rap concert in New Orleans was rudely interrupted last night after two American football teams suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

Keir Starmer looking through your window

Keir Starmer currently staring in through your window

Prime Minister Keir Starmer has decided to cut out the middle man and just stare through your window after it was revealed that the UK government demanded access to users’ encrypted Apple data.

Steve Coogan as Alan partridge in a supermarket

Steve Coogan avoids Waitrose queue after insisting he has an imminent Alan Partridge rehearsal

Actor and comedian Steve Coogan has once again successfully evaded life’s minor inconveniences, this time skipping a lengthy Waitrose queue after arguing that his “career obligations” simply wouldn’t allow for such delays.

‘We don’t give a sh*t’ public tells Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni

The general public have today informed feuding co-stars Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni that they couldn’t give a single shit about their ongoing legal battles.

Golf course design falls out of Trump’s pocket during Gaza briefing

President Donald Trump has announced he wants the US to take over the Gaza Strip, initially keeping his plans tight-lipped until a design for a new golf course fell out of his pocket. Despite constantly bemoaning foreign interference, Trump has decided to interfere abroad by displacing thousands of people from their homes and building a

Man demanding Canada becomes 51st state struggling to name any of the others

A man demanding that Canada becomes the 51st state of America can’t for the life of him remember the names of any of the others.

London landlord charging £5,000-a-month to live in Jaden Smith’s house-shaped hat

A London landlord is allegedly telling prospective tenants it will cost £5,000 a month to live in the house-shaped hat Jaden Smith wore to this year’s Grammy Awards.

Football fans leaving mince pies out for Fabrizio Romano on Deadline Day Eve

Football fans across the nation have been leaving out plates of mince pies for journalist Fabrizio Romano in the hope he brings them a new player on Deadline Day.

Less diversity in the Nazi party would have prevented Hindenburg disaster, insists Donald Trump

President Trump has insisted that the massive amount of diversity in the Nazi party was a contributing factor to the Hindenburg disaster.

RFK Jr. wears carcass of dead bear to confirmation hearing

The confirmation hearing for US health secretary got off to a rocky start after RFK Jr. arrived wearing the carcass of a dead bear.

‘No, you hang up first’, Starmer tells Trump

Prime Minister Keir Starmer has spoken to Donald Trump on the phone for the first time since he became US president, a call which lasted five hours as neither of them wanted to hang up first.

‘Please don’t take us to your leader’ Martians beg US astronauts

The inhabitants of Mars have begged US astronauts not to take them to their leader after President Trump announced his intentions to plant an American flag on the Red Planet.

Elon Musk sleeping on a West Wing sofa at the white house

Elon Musk forced to sleep on sofa after lover’s tiff over Stargate

Elon Musk was allegedly forced to sleep on the sofa last night after he publicly criticised the new artificial intelligence infrastructure announced by President Trump.

Being born in the USA no longer enough for citizenship, Bruce Springsteen told

Music legend Bruce Springsteen has been informed he’ll need something other than being born in the USA to remain a US citizen after Donald Trump signed an executive order to end birthright citizenship.

Elon Musk debuts his charlie chaplin moustache

Elon Musk debuts new Charlie Chaplin moustache

After apparently performing a Nazi salute at Donald Trump’s presidential inauguration, Elon Musk has since played down his support for fascism by growing out a toothbrush moustache.

Plagues on washington DC capital building

First of ten plagues to be unleashed during Trump inauguration

Spectators gathering for President Trump’s inauguration were shocked today as the first of ten devastating plagues was unleashed onto Washington, D.C.

Donald Trump has haemorrhoids, confirms Mark Zuckerberg

It’s been revealed today that billionaire Mark Zuckerberg is so far up Donald Trump’s arse that he can see haemorrhoids forming inside the next US president’s rectum.

‘Just divorced!’ banner added to SNP camper van

Former Scottish first minister Nicola Sturgeon has affixed a ‘Just divorced!’ banner to the back of the infamous SNP camper van, it’s been revealed today.

Kim Kardashian pouring champagne on the flames.

Kim Kardashian generously pours Moët over wildfires after using up everyone’s water

Professional celebrity Kim Kardashian has been seen spotted pouring Moët champagne over a wildfire near her house after using up the entirety of Los Angeles’ water supply.

‘Wait, are we supposed to be celibate?’ ask Catholic priests

The Vatican has confirmed that gay men can become priests as long as they remain celibate, prompting blind panic from all the other priests who definitely haven’t been.

Mark Zuckerberg legally changes name to ‘Elon’

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has legally changed his name to ‘Elon’ after announcing Meta would be ditching fact-checkers and replacing them with community notes similar to X. Zuckerberg, who also debuted a new short black hairstyle and South African accent, said his name change had nothing to do with trying to copy billionaire rival Elon

Buying countries is cheating, insists Hitler

Veteran dictator Adolf Hitler has slammed Donald Trump after the incoming US president indicated he’d be interested in buying countries such as Greenland and Canada.

UK set for more floods as Sports Direct mug knocked over

The UK has been told to brace for more flooding after a man accidentally knocked over his Sports Direct mug.

Next Prime Minister to be much less handsome, confirms Canada

Canada has today confirmed their next prime minister won’t be nearly as handsome as the outgoing Justin Trudeau.

‘Palpatine doesn’t have what it takes to be leader of the Galactic Empire’, insists Elon Musk

Billionaire Elon Musk has said The Galactic Empire needs a new leader as Emperor Palpatine ‘doesn’t have what it takes’. Mr Musk, who is rumoured to be lining up a 100 million credit donation to the Galactic Empire, made the comments after Palpatine distanced himself from calls to free bounty hunter Boba Fett from prison.