First of ten plagues to be unleashed during Trump inauguration

Spectators gathering for President Trump’s inauguration were shocked today as the first of ten devastating plagues was unleashed onto Washington, D.C.

Trump supporters arrived in the US capital with high hopes, becoming slightly more sceptical when they saw the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool begin to fill up with blood.

“It wasn’t a great sign when he burnt his hand on the Bible,” admitted Trump supporter Chuck Williams.

“To be honest, I just thought the massive boil on my nose was an infection. I didn’t think it was a deadly curse being imposed on the world.

“The lice are going to have an absolute field day in that hair. It’ll be like a mansion for them. I know France is excited about all the frogs, but I’m not so keen.

“Oh, and apparently all first-born children are going to die. I’ve never seen Don Jr. shitting himself so much.”

Despite the impending doomsday, President Trump instead took the plagues as an opportunity to brag about his upcoming presidency.

“We’re going to have the best plagues,” President Trump said, swatting 5,000 flies away from his face.

“Nobody can compete with our plagues. We have better plagues than Russia. Better plagues than England. China can’t even get close to the level of our plagues.

“Tremendous plagues.”