Buying countries is cheating, insists Hitler

Veteran dictator Adolf Hitler has slammed Donald Trump after the incoming US president indicated he’d be interested in buying countries such as Greenland and Canada. 

“Back in my day you actually had to invade a country,” Hitler told us. “Kids these days think they can just wave their chequebooks around and achieve world domination. It’s not that simple, Sonny Jim.

“Maybe I’m just old-fashioned, but the art of dictatorship has lost some of its magic in recent years. The younger generations don’t appreciate how much of a prick you actually have to be.

“I mean, Greenland for Christ’s sake? Set your sights a bit higher, kiddo. We’d have conquered half of Europe before this Trump fella had even slapped on his first coat of bronzer.

“And don’t get me started on that stupid wall he was trying to build. Mexico should be trying to keep you out, not the other way around.

“Utter woke nonsense.”

The comments follow Donald Trump’s recent threat to make Canada part of the United States by using ‘economic force’, with the 78-year-old also expressing interest in buying Greenland. 

“Me and Elon could buy China if we wanted to,” insisted Donald Trump. “Between us we have a combined net worth of $425bn. 

“How much of that is mine? Well, let’s not get bogged down with the details.”