Men seek referrendum on male obscenities
A group of disenchanted ‘Masculists’ – men who campaign for the same rights as women – have caused uproar by announcing their campaign for a referendum on ‘male’ sexual swear words.
EuroTunnel to offer thrill-packed passenger rides
Anglo-French subterranauts, Eurotunnel, have announced a novel new service on offer for its annual 8.5 million+ passengers – ‘Spurlunking trains’.
Book shops warn Oxfam with threats of charitable actions
The Provincial Booksellers Fairs Association (PBFA) – who represent the nation’s second-hand book sellers, have slammed “bloody do-gooding” charity, OXFAM, for threatening to put them out of business.
Front line obesity ban to make soldiers eat more pies
Soldiers in Afghanistan’s Helmand province have taken ingenious measures to protect themselves following recent penny-pinching rulings by the Ministry of Defence, which seemed certain to get many of them killed to all death. The troops, sick of the MoD scaling down in their deployment of battlefield safety equipment and vital air-support helicopters, have discovered a
Phil Spector to launch chart assault with prison super group
Successful murderer and music producer Phil Spector has shocked the music world by announcing his comeback plan to tour the American penal system with a self-styled band of convicted felons.
Warcraft movie to give geeks brief reason to leave their bedrooms
Sam Raimi, unconventional director of the Evil Dead Trilogy and Spiderman films, has signed on to bring the popular game-for-geeks, ‘World of Warcraft’, to the big screen.
Aussie fear over post-earthquake Kiwi invasion
Following last weeks 7.8 mega-quake off the coast of New Zealand, it has been revealed that the country has moved 30cm closer to Australia.
Ozzy Osborne to offer lifeline to ailing banking sector
Wobbly-armed rocker, Ozzy Osbourne is to take a leaf out of the books of high-profile philanthropic musicians Bono, Chris Martin, Sting and Darius Danesh and plans to inject funds into the UK’s beleaguered economy.
Sports commentators to expand vocabulary of filth
Sports commentators have been given a unique opportunity to expand their working horizons, after the Royal National Institute for Blind People (RNIB) successfully lobbied parliament to fund ‘Sex Talkers’ for the blind.
Man-flavoured chocolate actually ‘quite delicious’
A controversial new chocolate is set to rock the confectionery world after Cocoa Services Inc. of New Jersey, USA, has created a new ‘man-flavoured’ brand of candy bar.
One-eyed Man to sue ‘discriminatory’ filmmaker Cameron
Within days of revealing footage from his hotly anticipated film, ‘Avatar’, Oscar-winning techno-boffin, James Cameron, has fallen foul of a law suit brought against him by low-rent ambulance chasers, Claims Direct.
Rising Seas Levels Will Be ‘Flippin Brilliant’ for Britain, claims Brown
Gordon Brown, has welcomed reports from leading scientists that global warming will cause the oceans to rise faster than was first thought, by announcing a scheme that he hopes will save the UK’s ailing economy and property market. Recent studies have shown that sea levels could in fact rise as high as two metres within
Mumbai to target place on gay cruise itineraries
A court in the Indian capital, Delhi, has now ruled that homosexual intercourse – more commonly known as ‘bumming’ – between consenting adults is not a criminal act.
Trident rebranding ‘a waste of money’ claims Clegg
Liberal Democrat leader, Nick Clegg, has claimed government plans to ‘rebrand’ the ageing Trident Nuclear missile system are, ‘fucking ridiculous’.
O2 arena to offer unique Jackson gig ticket ‘tickets’
The O2 arena and music promoter AEG Live are offering holders of tickets to Michael Jackson’s UK tour a unique opportunity – to own another ticket for the definitely-not-happening-now concerts.
Corden is ‘the fat fairy’ claims leading doctor
A leading surgeon and self-confessed obesity expert, has claimed that fat celebrities are directly responsible for the rising levels of obesity within the UK.
Koko the Gorilla to demand US voting rights
Koko the Gorilla, officially the world’s first ‘talking monkey’ has controversially petitioned the United States senate for the right to vote, claiming that a 1,000 word vocabulary sets her way above the curve by way of intelligence.
