by The O2 arena and music promoter AEG Live are offering holders of tickets to Michael Jackson’s UK tour a unique opportunity – to own another ticket for the definitely-not-happening-now concerts.
The new ticket, available instead of a full refund, is an innovative new concept in non-live music entertainment from beyond the grave.
Promoters AEG Live explained the concept to baffled journalists, “It really is quite simple actually, first of all we sell you the tickets.”
“Then, when the artist dies and we realise we’re only insured for ten of the fifty dates and are ultimately exposed for millions in fixed costs, we improvise a bit.”
“We then convince you that, even though the concert is not actually going to take place, the ticket itself is of substantial commemorative value.”
“It’s a bit like when people keep ticket stubs to really amazing concerts they’ve been to, for posterity. We’ve just cut out the loud and terribly noisy attending the concert bit.”
“It’s win-win all round and we’re now looking to expand upon the idea for all of our upcoming concerts.”
Artistes
Other recording artists have been keen to embrace this innovative idea, particularly Sir Mick Jagger, of geriatric rock group The Rolling Stones.
“I can’t believe it. Here we were thinking we actually had to turn up and play to a crowd after they’d paid us £75 quid a ticket.”
“But AEG’s amazing business acumen has made me realise just how stupid we’ve been all these years.”
“It’ll be a blessed relief, if I’m honest, as Charlie is starting to look like a cancer-ridden tortoise.”
“And if I hear Keith strain out that opening riff from ‘Satisfaction’ one more time, I’m liable to ram Bill’s bass up his fucking arse.”
If the idea takes off, AEG is considering a further ticker offers for gigs you’ll never ever see.
