Teachers in England will do the absolute minimum necessary to gain MOT style licences to work in the classroom, which will have to be renewed every five years, under government plans.
The proposal – intended to weed out unsafe, cloud-emitting teachers that are likely to break down and be a danger to other classroom users – is included in an education White Paper announced by Children’s Secretary Ed Balls.
“We want teachers to be more like cars,” said the Children’s secretary.
“We’ve all been overtaken on the motorway by a 25 year-old Austin Allegro billowing clouds of noxious smoke from behind, but at least we KNEW it was safe, as it had obviously been forced to take an MOT – which it had obviously passed.”
“It’s a system that clearly works, and we want to introduce it to the classroom’s of the nation.”
It is hoped that the proposals will help eliminate entities such as the cut and shut teacher where a PE teacher is welded to to the remains of a Maths teacher to create a dangerous teaching hybrid
A consultant from the DVLA, Michael Shuntbrick, has been brought on board to help put together the teacher MOT tests.
“It’s important we look for those traits that make a teacher potentially hazardous to other classroom users.”
“We will be checking for road worthiness, and an excessive creaking that could lead to catastrophic breaks under pressure.”
“Is the fuelling system appropriate, and is their safety horn in good working order?”
“We haven’t figured out how to test the emission yet, but we will.”
It is expected that all teachers that fail the MOT will have the right to a free re-test as many times as needed, perhaps even on the same day.