by Anglo-French subterranauts, Eurotunnel, have announced a novel new service on offer for its annual 8.5 million+ passengers – ‘Spurlunking trains’.
Eurotunnel spokesperson John Keefe explained, “We noticed a niche market that wasn’t being catered for by our dreary excitement-lacking service schedule.”
“We’re targeting ‘thrill-seeking’ passengers, who enjoy a good old-fashioned high-octane adventure, just like one of those roller coasters that you might get at a theme park or something.”
The new journeys, which stretch the usual 90 minute trip out to 6 hours, aim to mimic the sensations garnered whilst ‘Spurlunking’, the implausible American term for the more genial, British, ‘Pot Holing’.
Thrilling
Keefe continued, “Passengers who choose our new service will be treated to the thrilling delight of their train stopping halfway through the tunnel, some 340ft below the sea.”
“We then turn out all the lights and turn off the air conditioning and let everything go deathly quiet.”
“They really haven’t got a clue what’s going to come next, as we also instruct our staff to avoid making contact with them, heightening customers sensation of claustrophobia and panic, which one can only really experience inside a genuine cave exploration.”
“It is an amazingly lifelike experience for those seeking genuine terror.”
Excitement
Arthur Davis, 69, a retired Photocopier engineer from Droitwich, was one of the first passengers to take the exciting new package deal.
He told us, “What better way to round off a four day trip to France than a six-hour sojourn into the black heart of chaos?”
Mr. Davis smiled joyfully and continued, “My wife Margaret, who is 66, enjoyed it almost as much as me.”
“It really was just like being stuck underground in a cave with no light, or fresh air, or water, for almost six hours.”
“We both remarked how realistic it was, as we watched many other excited passengers faint due to rising levels of Co2, which caused temperatures to rise to dangerously high levels. It was brilliant”
Keefe concluded, “At £98 each, tickets are a real steal and I encourage everyone who may be planning to visit the cheese-eating surrender-monkeys of France, to take Eurotunnel up on our wonderful, adrenalin-packed offer.”
The company’s website has already taken thousands of bookings from passengers eager to enjoy the thrilling experience.
