by Gordon Brown, has welcomed reports from leading scientists that global warming will cause the oceans to rise faster than was first thought, by announcing a scheme that he hopes will save the UK’s ailing economy and property market.
Recent studies have shown that sea levels could in fact rise as high as two metres within the next 200 years.
Brown said, “I have consulted with a number of experts that would tolerate my presence, amongst them Professor Heinz Wulf, from that old BBC2 show ‘The Great Egg Race’, Sir Clive Sinclair and Johnny Ball.”
“I am happy to confirm that with the rapidly increased melting of permafrost at the polar ice caps, oceans will indeed rise, creating new top-dollar des-res beach-front property in most parts of the UK.”
“Even that perma-pregnant property harridan Sarah Beeney would be able to sell one.”
He continues, “It is my hope that with the next two centuries, parts of London could well become the new “English Riviera”.
Criticism
Critics have suggested the controversial plan could see at least two thirds of the world’s population drown, or starve to death as a result of the flooding.
But, as Brown points out, “Most of those people will be poor anyway, so they’re not losing much.”
Many parliamentary officials and celebrity commentators have come out in support of his scheme.
Stickle-brick haired ‘Apprentice’ star and self-made millionaire, Sir Alan Sugar, suggested that “Brown’s commitment to climate change is something that we should all admire.”
“Like any businessman, I am all about embracing change – economic, climate, whatever.”
“And the prospect of a few beaches appearing in those boring-old helicopter shots of London, in future series of ‘The Apprentice’, can only be a good thing.”
Brown and his supporters have already put his plan into action, with the first poor people set to drown as early as 2050.
