The rescue operation for what was believed to be a Beluga whale stranded in the river Thames has been called off, as the former Foreign Secretary confirmed that he was, in fact, the half tonne pasty beast floundering around naked in the water as hoards of onlookers looked on.
The University of Basingstoke has confirmed that the less often students turned up for classes on its new Homeopathy degree course, the higher the mark they got.
The ‘Beast from the East’ has made it necessary for record numbers of people in Britain to ‘work from home’, despite the fact that this has coincided with the appearance of huge numbers of elaborate snowmen on Facebook.
American swimmer Ryan Lochte has made a statement to US police after all his lucrative endorsements were ‘stolen’ from him at some point in the last few days.
Brazilian authorities have confirmed that three crocodiles and hundreds of lily pads appeared overnight in the Olympic diving pool.
The riders in today’s first stage of the ‘Tour de Yorkshire’ cycle race are being advised to use snow tyres, as an entirely normal April weather for the county is expected to affect the route today.
Wormwood Scrubs FC has made an early bid of £50k in counterfeit cash and a smuggled iPhone 5 in the hope of securing the services of disgraced professional footballer Adam Johnson.
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