Wormwood Scrubs FC has made an early bid of £50k in counterfeit cash and a smuggled iPhone 5 in the hope of securing the services of disgraced professional footballer Adam Johnson.
It is understood that the manager of the team, bent copper Dave Matthews, believes that the signing of the ex-England player is the key to his struggling team securing a quarter-final place in the Prisons’ Cup next year.
Speaking through Skype from his cell, Matthews said, “Everyone at The Scrubbs is fed-up of the northern powerhouse teams such as Strangeways always attracting jailed professional footballers – and therefore winning all the trophies.”
“Johnson has displayed just the sort of predatory instincts that do well in prison football – he’d be an asset.”
Although Matthews admitted that taking on a child sex offender could put his team’s sponsorship deal with Toys R Us at risk, he confirmed that special measures would be taken to ensure no inappropriate activities took place.
“We’ll be advising our young female fans that offers of signed shirts and meetings in Range Rovers are probably best avoided – at least until they’re 16-years-old.”