French pledge to be even less helpful if Britain leaves EU

The French have threatened to be even less helpful if Britain leaves the EU, assuming they can figure out a way.

Britons are warned that if they think the French aren’t much use now, they ain’t seen rien yet.

Speaking forcefully on the subject, a spokesman for France insisted that if it’s possible to make an even bigger dog’s dinner of border controls in Calais they’ll find it, and the finest minds in France are already working round the clock trying to think of ways to make the situation more horrendous than it already is.

Observers think it telling that the worst thing the French can think of doing is to remove border controls if someone leaves a free movement agreement.

“We, the proud people of France, pledge to be obstructive, unhelpful and rude to the British whenever possible,” said spokesman Simon Guilliames.

“And if vous leave the EU we’ll try to be worse.

“Waiters will spit in your soup, you’ll find our lavatories unbearable, and we’ll refuse to even try to speak your language.

“So business as usual, really.”

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