Tuesday 2 March 2021 by Mark Molloy

Chancellor to unveil £200m fund for Fifa bribes as World Cup 2030 bid announced


rishi sunak world cup bid

Chancellor Rishi Sunak is set to unveil an extra £200m in funds in order to bribe corrupt Fifa officials tomorrow as the government launches its bid to host the 2030 World Cup.

With exciting news emerging this morning that the UK and Republic of Ireland will table a joint bid to host the tournament in nine years time, government sources have revealed today that they will back up the bid with what they believe to be a sufficient amount of hard cash to hopefully bribe enough officials to actually secure the event.

A spokesperson for the government revealed, “We’ve certainly learned our lessons from last time let me tell you. Those Russians played a blinder.

“Everyone knows that FIFA is one of the most corrupt organisations in the world, and the only way to get to host a World Cup is to pay millions of pounds to unscrupulous officials in order to secure the required votes.

“That explains why next year’s tournament in Qatar was awarded to a country without any actual football pitches, in a country with no league, and where the games will be played while the outside temperature is about 4000 degrees Celsius.

“So this time around we are not messing about, we are going in early with the bribes, and we are going in big.”

When asked if any other methods will be used, if the money isn’t enough, we were told, “Yes of course. Blackmail, prostitution and threats to officials lives. As I said, we’re not messing about this time.”

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