English exam boards are secretly scrambling to emulate the dream-shattering triumph of their Scottish counterparts, pulling together a copycat assessment system based on laziness, prejudice, and spitefully arbitrary whimsy.
Druids arriving at Stonehenge to conduct their archaic rites celebrating the summer solstice have been keft shocked to find the complex dragged to the ground in the name of woke sensitivity.
TV viewer of a certain age? Missing Springwatch’s trademark marsh-based amateurism? While the latest series has been put out of its misery faster than an errant fox puppy gambolling into Camilla Parker Bowles’ stable, here’s your handy family guide to recreating the magic at home.
Vainglorious imperial slide-rule salesman Nigel Farage is proclaiming to literally no-one bothering to listen, that his LBC sacking is instead a massive triumph having bested “bully-boy unelected bureaucrat bosses”.
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