Base camp established at mountain of oyster shells left behind at Reform conference

A camp has been established at the base of a mountain of oyster shells left behind at the Reform party conference, it has been revealed.

Reform UK’s conference in Birmingham concluded over the weekend, with adventurers now setting up a base camp below the mountain of discarded oyster shells in the middle of the NEC.

“It’s not quite Everest, but it’s damn close,” said expedition leader Simon Williams. 

“Nigel and his colleagues must’ve had quite an appetite this weekend. I’ve never seen so many oyster shells before. It’s going to take us hours to get to the summit. The base camp should help, though. It’ll enable people to get used to the climate of the NEC before eventually heading up the mountain.

“I’m not sure how people at the conference were able to get things in and out with this mountain blocking their access. I guess that’s why I’m here. So next year they’ll be able to get over the mountain and see the speakers. That’s if there is a conference next year. They’ll have probably all resigned by then. 

“Well, at least we’ve got all the right equipment to tackle Mount Grifter. Walking boots, trekking poles, a large donation in case we have to bribe any politicians on the way up.

“Then, once we reach the summit, we can all have a nice glass of Black Velvet to celebrate.”

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