Home Secretary Suella Braverman has confirmed that migrants have been removed from the Bibby Stockholm barge after traces of ‘left-wing, tree-hugging, woke legionella bacteria’ were found in the water.
Braverman announced that routine testing of the water supply had shown evidence of legionella bacteria which she said had probably been placed there by lefty immigration lawyers and members of the Labour Party who hate Britain.
“This legionella bacteria just hates everything about the UK,” said Braverman.
“It just can’t stand that the majority of people in this country agree with the government that it’s time to stop illegal immigration. It’s just typical of the left-wing do-gooding unicellular organisms that are trying to destroy our British way of life.”
Meanwhile Conservative MP Lee Anderson has criticised the decision to evacuate the Bibby Stockholm as further evidence of the 5-star treatment being offered to immigrants.
“It’s a disgrace,” said Anderson.
“My family stayed in worse places in Skegness where the carpets were crawling with legionella bacteria, and it never did us any harm. It’s never done anyone any harm, if you ignore all the people who have died from it.
“It’s not enough that these people lounge about all day watching Sky Sports, playing on the X-Box and gorging themselves on Michelin-star quality meals at the taxpayers’ expense. Now they want to avoid potentially life-threatening diseases, talk about being pampered.
“Where are they going to stay now? At Gary Lineker or Carol Vorderman’s house? I should coco.
“Apparently no immigrants have contracted legionella disease yet – but we live in hope.”