Reform promises to free ordinary Brits from burdensome right to privacy

Reform UK has promised to free millions of ordinary Britons from the burdensome right to privacy, insisting pesky rules about personal data are preventing patriotic citizens from doing their bit for British businesses.

The party has pledged to scrap GDPR and replace it with a “light-touch” alternative, claiming current rules are strangling businesses with unnecessary regulation.

Reform spokesperson Simon Williams explained, “For too long, British companies have been forced to waste valuable time asking tedious questions like ‘Do we have permission to use this information?’, ‘Why are we storing it?’ and ‘Should we perhaps not give it to Dave and his team of basement-dwelling malcontents?’

“That’s time they could be spending growing the British economy.

“Your grandparents didn’t defeat Hitler just so you could selfishly demand to know what Dave’s Discount Kitchens is doing with your email address.”

Williams also questioned why ordinary people are so obsessed with privacy in the first place.

“What exactly are you hiding?” he asked.

“Your medical history? Why don’t you want your insurance company seeing it? Something wrong with you?

“Your browsing history? If you’re embarrassed by it, perhaps you shouldn’t have browsed it in the first place.

“Your location? Why don’t you want businesses knowing where you’ve been and for how long? Where have you been and what were you doing there?

“Privacy is only really important if you’re trying to hide something, and you’re not trying to hide something, are you?”

Williams continued, “Every one of those so-called ‘rights’ is another pesky obligation some hardworking British company has to comply with.

“If surrendering a little control over your personal information helps a British entrepreneur buy his second foreign home, that’s called patriotism.”

He concluded, “Brexit was about taking back control.

“And once we’ve taken back control of your personal data, we’ll be free to give it to someone else.”