Suing CNN is bound to stop people writing mean things about me, insists mushroom-cocked rapey fraudster

author avatar by 2 years ago

Donald Trump, a Russian asset in the US who is fond of groping his own daughter, has come up with a brilliant plan to use a dissuasive lawsuit against CNN to make sure no one publicly calls him a sexually predatory crook that cheats at golf.

In a press conference at his gaudy Florida mansion that is actually worth a tenth of what he fraudulently declared it to be, lawyers for the absurd creature said that their actions would send a strong warning to anyone calling their client a piss-gargling orang-utang.

They went on, “CNN has repeatedly defamed our client by repeating the things he said and getting pundits to highlight how his statements sounded a lot like things Hitler said.

“We are asking for $400 million dollars in damages as a way to tell journalists across the world that we will not sit idle when they write that Donald Trump is a grotesque man-baby whose ex-wife accused him of rape.

“No more! Mr Trump will get the respect he is due even if he has to file pathetic doomed lawsuits to get that.”

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However, there was some evidence that the tactic misfired with satirists around the world rushing to hurl insults at the former president, as confirmed by Simon Williams, senior editor of moderately-popular satire website NewsThump.

He explained, “We’re just going to lazily fill a piece with a compilation of the nastiest allegations about Trump that we can find. Honestly, we hope he’ll sue. It’s not going to get anywhere and we could do with the exposure.

“Did you know there’s convincing evidence Donald Trump can’t read?”

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