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The leader of Ukraine has taken time off his busy schedule trying to keep his nation alive to publicly put forward some possible ways tech entrepreneur Elon Musk could make his £50,000 cars feel slightly more reliable than a rusted Vauxhall Belmont found in a barn.
In an undisclosed location, the embattled Ukrainian president took a pause from trying to secure stocks of ammunition to confirm he gave Elon Musk some completely unsolicited advice.
He went on, “I was talking to a Polish general about setting up field hospitals when it struck me that someone splashing out on a Model Y should be able to rely on the rear seatbelts staying latched. So I told Elon that he should get his workers to give the seatbelts a good tug just to test them. You know, really put their back into it. That should solve things.
“Of course, for a second, I did wonder if should have some vague knowledge of automotive manufacturing before I yap off on things I know fuck-all about. But then I smoked a fat one filled with Grade A Kush and decided to just speak my mind. Because that’s the kind of twat I am.”
Elon Musk has also recently been blessed with more helpful advice from Taiwanese leader Tsai Ing-wen who recently thanked Elon for his suggestion she should relinquish the freedom that her people cherish.
She went on, “Now Elon has resolved a 75-year international dispute with one tweet, perhaps he could consider hiring some more staff for his service centres so Tesla owners might get their car seen in less than a month?
“Or just keep behaving like an incel edgelord. Whatever works best.”
